Sunday, March 23, 2014
God sometimes does this really cool thing with my sweetheart Bill. He speaks through him, to me, in the first person. It hasn't happened a lot, but when it does happen- it's powerful.
When we pray, and God begins to speak directly through him, I know that it's God's thoughts and not Bill's that I'm hearing. Why? Because Bill is smart, but God is a genius, and His way of speaking is different than Bill's. He's holy, strong, wise, and positive (if not a bit tough at times!)...and he talks in a manner that reminds me of Jesus' parables in the Bible.
I believe that God can speak to all of us in words, silently and in the first person, and I know that what we hear from God is often mixed with our own biased thoughts and emotions, so that some of what we hear is from our soul, and some from His Spirit.
But when God talks through Bill, aloud and in the first person, I am usually pretty convinced that the words are from Him. If for no other reason that Bills says that the words change me. This is true.
I have no idea whether the following conversation, which Bill and I had with God a few weeks ago, will speak to the hearts of those of you who are struggling with chronic illness, or emotional wounding, but it encouraged me, and gave me some powerful insights into faith healing, and how God heals us supernaturally. I pray it blesses you as much as it blessed Bill and I.
A Conversation with the Lord, March, 2014
After praying and asking the Lord for insights and guidance into Bill's healing from congestive heart failure and other heart problems, I asked God to speak to me directly about Bill, through Bill. On this day, I was petulant and argumentative; depressed and tired...but God responded to my request for wisdom and insight, with candor, kindness and incredible patience.
Me: God, I want to know what we need to do for Bill so he can be completely healed.
God: (speaking through Bill). Why do you feel that what you are doing now is not adequate?
Me: Because we are not seeing improvements.
God: So you believe you must see improvement? (in order to know that I'm healing him)
Me: Well, when (the healing) carries out for months it’s hard (to not think you need to be doing
God: What does my Word say?
Me: By your stripes we are healed- today. (Isaiah 53)
God: What does my Word say about seeing things that aren’t as though they are?
Me: So I'm supposed to see him as healed?
God: I'm asking you, what does that scripture mean to you?
Me: Calling into the physical realm things from the spiritual realm.
God: Do you have trouble believing that?
God: Did you know that multiple healings can occur at the same time?
Do you believe I’ve given you enough faith to believe in Bill's healing?
Me: I try
He asks again
Me: I hope so
He asks again
Me: I don’t know, because if I did, would I not have doubts?
God: (As if dealing with a petulant child) Then why do you come to me if you don’t believe?
Me: Because sometimes I do believe, but sometimes I get afraid.
God: But you believe.
Me: I'd like to think so, because I pray daily for him (Bill)
God: Then embrace the belief. Your faith doesn’t matter.
Me: So you’ll heal him regardless of my faith?
God: Why would I not?
Me: Lord, it’s taking a long time to see results (in his health) at the clinic he's going to, so we aren’t sure what you want us to do.
God: So you are putting your faith in the clinic? (and the doctors' ability to heal Bill).
Me: No, but we need to know what to do to cooperate with you.
God: Why is your heart so troubled?
Me: Because we don’t know what to do. Lord, I don’t know if there is something we need to do to cooperate with you for His healing.
God: Are you responsible for his healing? Would you be responsible for his death?
Me: Well, no...
God: Then why do you worry?
Me: Because I want to see him healed! I don’t want to see him suffer another day. I want to see him healed today.
God: What would you like that healing to look like?
Me: That his heart would look perfect on the scan, and his emotional heart would be healed, too.
And that he could get up and take a long walk and work, and even climb mountains.
God: Those things that you have just said, have been called forth from that which is not seen. (From the unseen world). Embrace that.
Me: You mean they will happen?
God: You’ve spoken them, so they will manifest
Me: That’s my hope and desire.
God: What kind of hope do you have?
Me: What do you mean?
God: Do you have My hope? Or the hope of the world?
Me: (Dumb as a rock) I don’t know the difference.
God: My hope is not a wish.
Me: (Confessing) It’s probably a wish more than a conviction
God: So why would you wish for that which you can already have?
Me: (whining like a petulant child). But then why is it taking so long? (the healing)
God: My sweet, sweet Girl! How I love you, how you move my heart!
There are many things that will be fashioned around the healing of this man that you love. That will involve your healing as well.
Me: What do you mean?
God: Whenever there is a miraculous event, or miraculous healing, it is never for that person alone. It always has a greater purpose. It always has greater meaning and there are those (people) that will watch and wonder (when they see the event); then there are those that will be in awe, and then there will be others that are skeptical and won’t believe (in the miraculous healing).
Me: So you are saying he is going to be healed? (For some reason I can't seem to grasp this).
God: He will not only be a testimony, but the mere fact of his healing will heal others; yourself included.
Me: So what do we have to do to see it manifest in the physical realm?
God: And you want to accelerate it (the healing) for what reason?
Me: Because I want him to be well today.
God: Do you want My will or yours?
Me: Isn’t your will for him to be well today?
God: So if this thing were to happen, what would you do?
Me: I would rejoice and tell everyone about it, and help him to walk into the life that you have for him.
God: Would you lay down everything in your life and place it before me, and say to me "Do with this as you wish? Everything?"
Me: Well, I would try. What does that have to do with his healing, anyway?
God: There are events that I put into place that feed upon each other, and if you get those out of sync, they can’t feed off each other.
Me: I don’t understand
God: There are events that are tied to the renewing, reconstructing, and the regrowth of his heart, that will touch (affect) others, not just you. Those events are in place (scheduled to happen). To interrupt the sequence- well, there must be a good reason for that. You want it to be done now. So if there is transaction that must take place for it to happen right now, then what are you willing to do?
Me: I don’t understand
God: There is a path to his healing that has already been instituted, but you want it to be done now. You want this path of healing to be interrupted, changed, and modified even though there are others downstream from this healing that will receive from it, too.
Me: So it is selfish for me to want it done now?
God: Well, their lives would be different than what they would have been otherwise.
Me: So how long does Bill have to go through this? Don’t you want him well today? I mean, when Jesus healed, it was always right then, right there, on that day. Is it not your will for him to be well today?
God: Is he not well today?
Me: No. We just want your strategy, Lord.
God: No, you were complaining because I didn’t do what you wanted me to do already.
Me: I understand there is a purpose in this God, but how many years does he have to (struggle with this problem) before he no longer has it? I want him to live out the remainder of his life on earth in health.
God: Moses came to me and argued for the Israelities, remember that? And I negotiated with him. So do you want me to negotiate with you? But remember, in negotiations, there are transactions, agreed? So if I do something (for him), there will be something on the other end (from you), is that right?
God: Moses came and I changed my mind. I went a different direction because of what he said.
Me: It's amazing we can change your mind. We little people.
God: Why do you say "little people?"
Me: Because we are stupid compared to you. Why should we have any say? (in your will)
God: If you didn’t have a free will, you wouldn’t have any say. But I gave you free will, so I gave you a say. It can be used for good or bad. But you do have a say (about what happens in the world).
Me: Thank you
God: So what you are seeking is a sign. You are always seeking a sign. Yet it says in the Bible that those that seek me without (needing to see) a sign will be fulfilled. So I will give you a sign, if you will quit seeking signs.
Me: You will give me a sign (to confirm) Bill's healing?
Me: A visible manifestation that something has changed?
God: Yes. But quit looking outside (for the miracle) and look from within, because you always seek signs and miracles. Maybe the greatest miracle is just staying (being) where you are at and touching the hearts of the people (around you) even though there is no physical manifestation of healing. There can be spiritual manifestations (of healing) that are significant to a person, without any physical manifestation.
Me: But God, it is encouraging to see the miracles.
God: Seek me for encouragement. Don't seek the signs and wonders. Seek Me.
Me: We want to (visibly) see what You have done so we can tell others...(and encourage them).
God: Of course. There can be encouragement (a person can be encouraged when they see a healing miracle), but don’t seek your encouragement in these things. Do you know the difference? You give them power that should go to me. When you seek encouragement from the signs, you are seeking power from the signs. The power is manifested in Me, never in the signs.
In the Old Testament, people were always seeking signs. Give me a sign or a miracle…NO! Seek me first and you will find the miracle.
Me: I do try to seek you, Lord.
God: The first miracle you ever got was what?
When you accepted Jesus Christ (as your Lord and Savior) and he took all your sins from you. That is a miracle. But you sought him first.
Me: So how am I seeking signs with Bill? I just want to see him healed.
God: Because when he has a setback or a struggle (with his health), or the appearance of (a setback), and is not doing something that you want to see happen right now, you buckle at the knee, you waver (in your faith for his healing).
Me: But we haven’t seen a change (in his symptoms). So maybe there is something I need to do differently?
God: That (is an attitude of) doubt and unbelief. By doubting when there doesn’t appear to be a physical manifestation of his healing, doesn’t mean that the healing isn’t occurring.
But here’s what I will do. There will be a physical change in his heart (I will cause there to be a positive change), when Todd (the radiologist) returns to test him. And for that, you will do nothing for the next few days but praise Me, just as if you had already been able to see that physical change occur.
Me: Thank you. Then what do we do? Just keep thanking you as we always have?
God: If you believe that he’s already been healed, then he’s healed. All you are doing is waiting for the physical manifestation of that healing. Do you want me to give you an example? (of what that means)?
God: Have you ever cut yourself? Did you doubt that the cut would heal? No, you knew it would heal automatically. But it still hurt, right? So know in your heart, in the same way, that Bill will be healed. That is how you cooperate for his healing.
Me: So do we just wait for it to happen Lord? Because people say God uses medicine.
God: It will happen no matter what you wish. But remember, the manifestation of the healing is always for more than just one person (not just Bill).
Me: I just know that you also use medicine to heal so I am confused. Because if it's a cut, you do nothing because you know it will heal on its own. But (how can it be) the same way with a heart?
God: Sometimes you can mix things (ideas), you know that? I gave you that as an example because if you got a cut you would know that it would heal. But don’t you know that there are people that have cuts that don’t heal?
Me: (Insistent upon this question). But do we use medicine? Or is that a sign of unbelief?
God: There are levels of healing. I gave the things of this earth for healing and nourishment. I gave the things of this earth to build up man, and man can live (only) on that physical plane, and plenty do. But I gave My children the things of the Spirit; (a higher level of healing); people who sought out the things of the Spirit through the Lord Jesus Christ (would have access to a higher level of healing).
Me: So if we live by the Spirit, then we don’t need the physical realm? (Physical remedies to heal).
God: The question is, do you live by the Spirit totally? Does Bill?
God: Then maybe we need the things of the physical realm to at least work at the physical level, because (or but) when the things of the Spirit are healed, the whole person is healed. It is the physical that you seek to be healed, so maybe we should just work at the physical level.
Me: I believe there is a higher way (to healing, through the Spirit), but I lack faith.
God: So you think that you lack faith and that I punish you for that?
Me: I take the long road of medicine, but there is a higher way, through the Spirit. But because I lack something, I don’t see healing on that level.
God: Is (healing by the) Spirit different than (healing in) the physical (realm)?
God: Then why do you apply the same principles to both?
Me: What do you mean?
God: When you get a cut, you put something on it to stop the bleeding. That is something that you must do to stop the bleeding. But would the bleeding stop anyway? Most of the time, it would.
Me: So you are saying Bill would be healed anyway, whether he did treatments or not?
God: If I said he is going to be healed, then he is going to be healed. It doesn’t matter what you do, but it matters what he does.
Me: So his healing is not contingent upon him staying in Del Rio? (Where the clinic is).
God: No, but if you had not come to Del Rio and sought treatment, how would Bill be today?
Me: Not so good
God: So, do you think I led you to these things? It's a physical issue (that he has), right? But also an emotional and spiritual one, right? So why do you always demand that it be one or the other? Black or white? Left or right?
Me; Because prophecies have contingencies and if we don’t do the right thing, then the healing won't happen
God: What does obeying and doing the right thing have to do with each other?
Me: We have to cooperate with you for that healing. That is what I've been taught.
God: Bill could take a gun to his head. He has the power to kill himself, it can be done quickly or it can be done slowly. So does it depend on you or upon him?
Do you think he believed me when I said he’d be well? Do you think he’ll trust me?
God: Then what do you think will happen?
Me: He will be healed. But if he doubts, can he receive the healing?
God: Yes, but when doubt turns to unbelief, and unbelief turns to actions of unbelief, then it makes it difficult (to receive the healing).
Me: So are my prayers, prayers of unbelief and are they reaching you?
God: What part of Jesus' salvation don’t you understand? You don’t think I hear you. I hear what you say.
Me: But if I don’t pray in faith, and have unbelief, then it would hinder him.
God: Do you pray?
God: Then you have faith.
Connie, you have to let Bill go.
All you can do is pray for him. Let him go.
Me: So there is nothing else we can do?
God: There are emotions that need to be healed in his heart.
(The ministers you know) can help with that. So can you, and he.
Me: But you are saying it will be done?
God: It’s always about you and what you can do, right?
You think I care more about what you can do (about doing the right thing), or your heart?
Me: My heart
God: Then have peace in that.
Me: Lord, I ask questions, because I’m constantly afraid to do the wrong thing, but I want to obey you.
God: I’d rather you be off the path and not be afraid to take the step.
Do you think I expect you to be perfect?
God: Then why do you put that upon me?
Me: Because you say I ask so many questions and that you can’t give me understanding because I ask questions.
God: Do I expect you to be perfect? Do I ask you to do anything you can’t do?
Me: I don’t seem to hear you so much of the time, so…I don’t know.
God: Do you ever question God’s purpose? Or his heart?
Me: (Dumb as a rock) I don’t know.
God: Do you ever say, "God why haven’t you done this yet?" If so, you are questioning My purpose and intent.
Me: I guess I do then.
God: Who do you think would ask a question like that?
It would be a demonic question, wouldn’t it?
Who is the author of those types of questions?
Me: The devil
God: So we have to discern what are lies, and what are not lies, right?
Me: I don’t know what to expect. I mean, you did allow me to be sick for 10 years.
God: So is dying a bad thing?
Me: Yes it is, because I want Bill to live out the fullness of his years here.
I want him to have the chance to do things you have put on his heart; have his dreams fulfilled, have years of health here on earth.
God: Hold those things (in your heart) just like you said them; make no change in them, and never waver from them.