What's Making People Sick Today...Healing the Underlying Causes of Chronic Illness (in People with Lyme Disease... and Beyond)

In my work as a healing prayer minister, I sometimes witness God supernaturally heal people. I have also witnessed hundreds of healing miracles in the church, and have come to believe that God is willing and able to heal all those who come to Him for healing. Sometimes, He uses medicine to accomplish His purposes, and at other times, He intervenes supernaturally.

I especially love it when God heals people supernaturally, but...

...I am disturbed that the church isn't teaching people about how to prevent disease. Yes, it's wonderful and amazing that God can supernaturally heal diabetes, cancer, Lyme disease and chronic fatigue syndrome- but if the factors that caused those illnesses are not removed from people's lives, the diseases are likely to return.

It seems to me that if we are going to teach people that God heals, then we need to also teach them about how to remain well.

Today, we live in a cesspool of environmental toxicity, which is affecting the health of a high percentage of the population. Even worse, health care options are dictated by pharmaceutical and insurance company interests, which means that drugs are the remedy that most doctors give their patients. And while drugs may manage symptoms, they heal no one, and often exacerbate or create new problems in the body.

In this day and age, it's not enough for the church to ask God for a healing miracle. We need to be taught how to remain healthy, because most conventional medical doctors are not doing it. Mainstream media isn't doing it, and we are living in a time when the once-sufficient advice, "Eat your vegetables, exercise and get enough sleep," will no longer keep most of us healthy.

Throughout my eight-year battle with chronic illness, I have learned a lot about what's making people sick today. Why 1 in 40 children have autism. Why 1 in 10 children are on antidepressants and medication for ADD and ADHD. Why over half the population is overweight. Why the rate of cancer has skyrocketed to one in three people; why Lyme disease is the fastest-growing infectious disease in the country. Why it isn't uncommon nowadays to see children and twenty-something year-old's with chronic illnesses.

Some of us know that something has gone really awry, while the other some of us are being led astray by the drug companies, the government, uneducated doctors and the media, who aren't telling us the truth about where all this sickness is coming from, and what really needs to be done about it.

I was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2004, but it took me several years to fully grasp the reality that what was making me sick wasn't just a handful of tick-borne infections. Rather, a multiplicity of environmental toxins and other societal factors had caused the demise of my body and mind- and people all around me were also being affected by the garbage.

I just finished writing a book, which is intended principally for people diagnosed with Lyme disease. Yet others may find it useful, because it describes factors that are making a lot of people sick today (not just those with Lyme disease!). Many chronic illnesses have similar roots, and disease labels are sometimes just that; labels.

This book will be published sometime over the next 4-6 weeks and is entitled, Beyond Lyme Disease: Healing the Underlying Causes of Chronic Illness in People with Borreliosis and Co-Infections.

In a few weeks I will be publishing a link to the book's webpage, where you can learn more about it and/or purchase it. My prayer is that if you have been diagnosed with Lyme disease, or know somebody who has a chronic illness of unclear origin, that you would read this book, and share it with others. The church (and society!) needs God's healing power, but it also needs His wisdom about how to be well in this day and age of environmental pollution, rushed schedules, toxic food, and a broken health care system. This book provides that, and much more.

May you be blessed!

The Principle of Gratitude

Prophet Doug Addison (www.dougaddison.com) has mentioned several times over the past couple of months that God's people are in a season of change, and that God is bringing new alignment and new assignments to those who love and follow Him. As this occurs, He is also uprooting and removing the old and unprofitable, to make room for the new and to heal what has been broken or lost in people's lives over the past decade.

The truth of Doug's words has been hitting my life like a hurricane; in the seemingly insignificant, as well as larger, aspects of my life. Over the past six weeks, I have witnessed radical changes in my health- greater energy and stamina, sounder sleep, a stronger, clearer mind, fewer tears, and renewed hope in my spirit. It has been a welcome departure from the crushing insomnia, fatigue, depression and "God-just-let-me-die" hopelessness that has assaulted me since last October. Never mind that the devil has retaliated by incapacitating my right arm with carpal something-or-other and that last weekend I discovered two hollow black circles on my back which sent me into an emotional tailspin. Only after I received some intense prayer was I able to convince myself that even if I did have a skin cancer, it wasn't melanoma, and God would get rid of it because He's been pretty clear with me-through a thousand and one prophecies and in my personal conversations with Him- that He's nowhere near done with me yet.

I know good things are coming. I know it because the devil is nipping at my heels with new problems just as healing and other blessings are being placed in my path. The enemy's tactics have become tiresome, and in my weariness, I can't help but wonder on some days if my writing career will halted by the pain in my arm or if I will really see the fulfillment of all that God intends for me. But then He reminds me to look at what He has done in my life thus far, what He is doing, and what He has promised to do, and as I do, joy touches the edges of my heart, and my spirit is encouraged.

The winds of change have also sent new work opportunities and acquaintances my way; new friends, spiritual mentors and business contacts. As part of the removing of what is unprofitable, God has been pruning-and even uprooting- my relationships. Sadly, as part of this process, I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends- somebody I loved very much- but God's strength and peace accompanied me as I made the decision, knowing that it was for his best and mine to let the relationship go.

But that's not all. God's hand has been moving me to new places in my healing ministry, and I have witnessed more of His love, presence and power whenever I pray for others.

God has been changing the little things in my life, too. For example, He's encouraged me to start buying my groceries directly from an organic farm. To join Pilates again. To set up a new work station at home. Things that don't seem like much, but which are a larger reflection of the work that He's doing in me, and part of the season of change that I, and so many others, are in.

I still don't sleep great some nights and I can't get up before 9 AM most days. I can barely work at the computer because my arm is on fire (and this may be, in fact, the last post I do until I am healed of the problem). I wish I could climb mountains and roller blade like most people my age. And as my 38th birthday approaches, regret over the years that I have lost to trauma and disease yet nags at my soul.

But the tide is turning, and God keeps sending me a singular, powerful message; See what I have done, and am doing in your life, and be thankful for these things! Praise Me for my goodness. Keep your eyes on My promises- those which are being fulfilled, and those which have yet to be fulfilled. Don't look down at your feet, where the enemy is nipping at your heels. Look up at Me; focus your gaze Heavenward, and thank Me that my will is being accomplished in your life.

His admonishment is that my gaze would not be on the black spot on my back; that I would not catastrophize my inability to write; that I would not tell myself that my newfound feelings of wellness are part of some temporary high. That I would realize that the new opportunities that He's given me aren't just another means for my survival; but rather, seeds for the ultimate fulfillment of His plan for my life.

I don't believe God wants to make our lives perfect. The prosperity gospel is a farce. It wouldn't fly, anyway, in parts of the world where hardship is a daily reality. But God does make certain promises to those of us who would believe in Him and His love for us. He promises to heal us; in body, mind and Spirit. He promises to make us co-laborers in His kingdom, which means giving us the mind of Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit, to set people free, from the bondage of sickness, soul wounds and sin. And He promises to provide for us, if we trust Him and follow His lead.

I don't understand His ways, and why the fulfillment of His promises isn't always immediate. But if there is one thing I'm learning- it's that when I thank Him for what He has done for me, it opens the door for me to receive more from Him. Whenever my gaze shifts to His work and His hand upon my life, rather than upon the enemy's meager attempts to destroy me, my faith grows, and more of His blessings are released into my life. It's not a performance thing; it's a spiritual law, and a principle of the Kingdom of Heaven.

So I praise Him for today; for Jesus, for life eternal, for healing, and, for the winds of change, which are sweeping away the debris and what is unprofitable in my life, to make room for the new.

May you be blessed in this season of change, too.

From Performance to Papa's Lap

You don't need answers to all of your problems as much as you need to know who I Am for you. You don't need solutions as much as you need to see My face.

God gave me these words several months ago, during one of my encounters with Him, when I came pleading for the right path to take in a certain area of my life. When most of us go to God, we want solutions for our life's problems. We want Him to tell us what to do, where to go, with whom we should spend our hours, and how to pray.

My desire for solutions is sometimes birthed out of a fear that I won't be taken care of by God; that I'll make a terrible mistake if I don't hear Him right. The quest for answers comes cloaked in humility as I tell myself that I'm just trying to be obedient to God. But in reality, what I want is control over my life.

But sometimes His solution is simply for me to sit with Him. To find safety in His lap. To be with Him, knowing that He will never leave nor forsake me- because in knowing Him I find the way.

Increasingly, I'm realizing that I don't need solutions for all of my problems as much as I need His presence. Today, as I received prayer in the healing rooms at one of the most powerful and Spirit-filled churches in the nation, I told my two compassionate prayer ministers that I would rather continue to suffer with health problems my entire life than miss out on knowing how much God loves me.

I'm that convicted about it now, but I also know that the more of His love that I receive, the more I will be healed, and the more that life will go well for me- at least, inwardly.

When I traveled to Bethel this week to receive prayer for physical healing, I was aware that God would probably be working more on my spirit than on my body. Bethel is known worldwide for its healing miracles, and while my limbs ache to be fully healed, my soul longs for an even deeper healing.

And so it has been this week, that God has been cementing into my soul the reality that freedom lies in intimacy with Him; in knowing the Who of life so I can navigate the What and How of life.

I've fervently pursued a relationship with God for over a decade now, but much of this relationship has been based upon my suffering, and a sorry-please-thank you list, designed to get Him to move on my behalf, that I might be freed from a lifetime of bondage to soul sickness and physical infirmity.

Unfortunately, the influence of unhealthy relationships in my life has created within me a tendency to pursue the bondage of a performance-based relationship with God, which is based upon a list of "To do's" and pleas to rescue me (as if He were reticent to do so).

As I received prayer today from the healing ministers, I realized that my moments of climbing into God's lap have been too few; that dancing and laughing with Him and sensing His delight over me as I do what He's created me to do, have been the exception rather than the rule. That while I share everything with Him, I struggle to see Him at times as my best friend and my beloved Papa- as the One who desires to dote upon me, play with me, and hold me in His arms.

And yet, these are the kinds of things that He longs to do with His children. But suffering has blinded me, and at times, I have viewed the trials that I have gone through as confirmation of His disapproval of me (never mind that the Bible teaches that all those who are obedient to God will endure trials!).

It's hard to sit in Papa's lap when an undercurrent of His (apparent) disapproval colors your conscience red with shame.

Fortunately, the longer I walk with the Lord, the more He sets me free from shame and performance-based relationship. And this week at Bethel, He invited me again to lay aside my grief, and relate to Him in new ways that transcend my suffering and need to "do it all right."

Just be , He kept saying to me. Just be.

I want to know what it looks like to be daily embraced by my Daddy. To sense His pleasure over me. To walk with Him in the cool of the evening, without an agenda. To talk to Him about life, without a laundry list of requests filling up the minutes.

Don't get me wrong. God delights in requests, and that we would come to Him for solutions to all of life's issues, but a relationship with Him isn't meant to be task-oriented.

Today, God also revealed to one of my ministers that I used to draw and paint as a child. I was a gifted artist in my youth (so much so that my kindergarten art teacher contacted my parents after I had reached adulthood, just to find out whether I had become an artist!). My parents told him no, but that my sister had become a professional painter. Still, I loved creating art, and through the prayer minister, God said to me, I loved to watch you paint. I delighted in the works you created.

And as I received those prophetic words, and many others, I felt another layer of my performance onion getting peeled, and I got another glimpse of what it means to walk in intimate relationship with God.

God doesn't ask us to know how to do relationship with Him. He doesn't demand that we be saints. He doesn't expect us to know how to love others, and to walk in obedience. We can only give Him who we are- and that includes all of our garbage, pain and emotional baggage, and expect Him to cleanse and heal us. The wounded soul cannot heal itself, and I'm learning that God doesn't need my efforts to receive His love, because striving to give and receive love is a hallmark sign of performance-based relationship.

He must pour it into me, and break down the walls that I, by my efforts, cannot tear down. My job is only to come to Him, trusting that He will do as He has promised. To set this captive free. For He has said, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7, NIV).

Sometimes, receiving is a process, and the door seems to linger ajar, but He who is faithful has promised to redeem His saints.
May He show us all how to relate to Him as a loving Father, friend and lover, and may He help us to cast works-based relationship by the wayside.

Lost In Translation

The Bible tells us to renew our minds daily. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (NIV). A renewed mind enables us to live according to God's truths, rather than in the warped and twisted unreality of our unregenerate minds. His truth literally transforms how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world.

If I don't spend time with God daily and allow Him to fill my head with His thoughts, then what I believe and think becomes subject to the whims of my biochemistry, the other aspects of my flesh, and the devil. What's more, my unresolved wounds become a filter through which I translate (and misinterpret) the words and actions of others.

Case in point- about six weeks ago, while at some hot springs in Costa Rica with friends, I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in my bathing suit, while walking past a mirror.

Whoa! Dismay filled me at the realization that the slender supermodel figure that Lyme disease had blessed me with (go figure that disease can make you look like a model) was gone.

Although some of the weight gain might have been good for me, it was nonetheless a shock to see myself nearly twenty pounds heavier than what I was less than two years ago. I don't make it a habit to study myself in a bathing suit, so the realization that I was well on my way to becoming a chunky monkey (apparently) threw a wrench in my otherwise happy day.

As I stopped before the mirror again, I wondered, Am I just not used to seeing myself as a normal-sized person?

I felt the voice of Truth nudging my conscience. Come on, Connie, let's be objective about this... It went. But the unregenerate mind would have none of it. Insecurity was the order of the day.

So I approached a male friend who happened to be with me at the hot springs, and asked him the dreaded question that no man hopes a woman will ever ask him.

"Am I fat?"

I picked on him because I knew he would tell me the truth. But as I asked the question, I sensed his discomfort as he shifted in his seat next to me. We were plopped down on a bench beneath a beautiful waterfall.

"No, but...you've put on some weight." Was the candid reply.

Alarm bells went off in my mind as my heart picked up speed. "Well, am I pudgy?"

My poor friend. He didn't stand a chance at winning this game. As he squirmed in his seat, silent, I could have imagined what he was thinking- Should he gamble his friendship with his silly, vain friend, in the interest of telling her the truth?

No woman should ever ask a man the fat question. Ever.

But I did. Again. "Well, am I pudgy?"

He looked down. "Um, well, sure, a little."

We all know what the translation is for this, right?

I'm a cow!

Thus ensued a tirade in which I began to bemoan my clumps of cellulite and emerging Buddha belly. How unfair it was that I had put on so much weight, because I subsisted on salads and salmon and exercised- so how dare God allow this to happen to me? And what if my rolls were just getting on a roll? What if this was just the beginning?

Somewhere in the middle of my pity party, my friend looked at me quizzically and said, "What's pudgy mean?"

I stopped the tirade in its tracks. "WHAT?" I said to him, miffed. "You just told me I'm pudgy and you don't even know what it means?"

As I continued to flip out next to my friend beneath the waterfall, he muttered something about needing a drink.

Poor thing. I should have shown him to the nearest bar. Or at least taken my insecurities elsewhere.

"Look, you're not fat, OK? You've put on some weight, but you look good." He finally said.

But my unregenerate mind refused to swallow the truth. Not after he had told me that I was pudgy! (Never mind that he didn't really know what it meant). In that moment, all I could focus on was the fact that I had gained twenty pounds.

Never mind that by most people's standards, I am now an average weight. Never mind that my value and worth shouldn't be in my physical beauty, anyway. I had grown accustomed to the admiration of others. I was used to turning heads and seeing myself skinny as a rail. I didn't like having a real woman's body. Never mind that people still tell me that I am beautiful.

I might have received my friend's words through the lens of truth had I asked God to tell me His truth after looking in the mirror. Or maybe I wouldn't have even asked my friend the fat question. But because I did, I put us both through unnecessary grief. Besides, even if I had been overweight, what would have been the point of asking my friend the fat question? Why did I want to ruin our trip to the hot springs?

Yes, I would still rather be ten pounds lighter. But I'm not twenty-five years old anymore. Besides, in hindsight, I realized that the real question that I was asking-what most women are asking- when they approach a man (especially a close friend, boyfriend or spouse) with the fat question, is, Am I lovable just as I am?

And if the question were posed to God, the answer would be an emphatic, enthusiastic Yes! - Whether we are 120 or 240 pounds.

Living according to the unregenerate mind causes us to mistranslate others' words and actions- just as I did my friend's when I posed the "fat" question to him- and believe lies about ourselves and how God and others see us. And I have found that the only way to rise above the tactics of the enemy and the flesh is by asking God for His mind when my flesh wants to throw a twisted thoughts party.

All I can say is, thank God for the grace and love of my good friend, who forgave me for the fat question. And for Jesus, who has called me- and all of us- His beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made, sons and daughters. May His opinion be the only one that counts, when we are tempted to lose the truth in the translation of our unregenerate minds.

Knowing The Power of His Death and Resurrection...

It's been a rough week. But I guess this was a rough week for Jesus, too, 2012 years ago. To put it mildly.

Night terrors, sleep apnea, and relentless insomnia are making a soup of my brain and body. My chest aches, and I push myself to prepare another cup of coffee, in the hopes that I might manage three hours of writing today. I'm weeks behind on my work deadlines.

But I guess that's beside the point. On this sacred day, instead of awakening and bowing my head in reverence and gratitude to my Savior, for giving up His life for me on a Cross 2012 years ago, I emerged from bed with curses on my lips, foul language and accusations against my God. The enemy took advantage of my sleep deprivation to cast me into a litany of lies and melodramatic pleas to God to heal me or take me out of this world.

What demon has taken over my mind today, on this Good Friday? What part of me doesn't understand what Jesus purchased for me at Calvary, and the power that He has given me to overcome?

Opposing thoughts rage in my biochemically-imbalanced brain. It seems God has allowed an army of ten thousand demons to come against me, but where is He as their arrows fly fast and furious towards me? In my delusion, I accuse Him of just standing by and watching, as the arrows penetrate my heart. He waits for me to do something that I decide I cannot do, because the battle against my flesh is too strong.

"Take my thoughts captive, God?" I rail at Him. "You try that when you haven't slept for the better part of five months!" In self-righteousness I build a case against my Lord- as if that should convince Him to pull back Satan's army. As if my begging will move Him to shift a little pinky in my favor.

Yet, in exalting the flesh against the power of His Spirit, and by accusing Him of withholding His love and healing from me, I'm like the mockers who spit on Him when He died 2012 years ago on a Cross at Calvary. But instead of clamoring, "Save yourself, if you are the King of the Jews!" my angry words are, "Jesus, heal me, if you love me so much!" Even as, with tears rolling down His face, and his body hanging limply on a Cross, He softly replies, "I am."

And so it is. I turn up my nose at the lashing of His body, and I spit on the nails in His hands. I turn my back on His anguish and the tears that roll down His face. I shrug my shoulders in indifference, as He cries out to the Father, "Why have you forsaken me?" Figuratively, I do all of this when I treat His sacrifice as if it purchased nothing for me but a free ticket into Eternity.

He has all power to heal me now. But He has also given me all power to be healed by the Holy Spirit, who dwells within me because of His death and resurrection.

He who lives within me was not free. The gift of the Spirit came at the expense of a body and soul that were torn asunder by the world's sin. He came to live in me, and in all who would believe in Jesus' sacrifice. Without His death on the Cross, I-we, would have no power to overcome the devil and the flesh.

It cost me nothing to receive the power of Immanuel- or, "God within me(us)," but it cost God everything. It cost Jesus His life. And yet I exalt the devil and His work above that of my Savior when I curse and accuse.

I mock His sacrifice when I accuse Him of not helping me. He helped me 2012 years ago when He died and was resurrected on the third day. I mock Him when I beg Him to heal me, because that healing was already given, way back when...

I feel His tears today as I shed my own, as He longs for me to understand, for my sake and others, what it cost Him to give me the power to be set free and to have life Eternal with Him.

But, like so many others, I am deceived into thinking that what is real is what I feel, and experience. I am reticent to believe that He within me can overcome a mind and body that have been sickened by a thousand and one sleepless nights; that He whom I cannot see isn't greater than the effects of this world upon my body; that though I am outnumbered in my battle against the flesh, I only need One of Him to overcome the multitudes that rage against me.

The depression remains. But He who remains in me admonishes me to overcome. Because one day I will truly get it- and when I do, no shadow of disease or insomnia will be able to stand within six million miles of me.

Forgive me, Jesus, for what I don't understand. Forgive me for standing among the crowds that forsook you, spit on you, and mocked you. Forgive me for my irreverence and lack of gratitude. I will never know how much it cost You, to take my sins upon You, on that Cross. I will never know, this side of Heaven, the immense and amazing price you paid for me, so that I might have life, here and in the Hereafter. But yes, I know...you don't condemn me for my cursing and accusations. If you did, then Your work would have been for naught.

Thank You, Jesus, for your great mercy and love towards me. Thank You, for dying for all of humanity, 2012 years ago, that we might be freed from all manner of sickness, soul wounds and the power of sin. Teach us that You gave up Your life, not only so that we might live with you in Eternity, but so that we might bring Heaven to Earth today, and every day. May we know that Your authority has been given to us because of Your work on the Cross, and that we all have power to destroy the works of the devil, to set captives free, and to open the eyes of the blind...

Open my eyes, Lord, that I may see, and be healed. Open my heart, that I would daily hold sacred your sacrifice, and not take for granted all that was given to me, 2012 years ago...and today. Amen.

The Way It Was Meant To Be

With the exception of two meetings, I spent the entirety of this past week in bed, trying to coax bananas and rice cakes into my stomach. I can't recall the last time I missed an entire week of work due to the flu, but amidst the depression and misery, I also experienced a paradoxical feeling of rest. I knew I could do nothing- because even an hour at the computer left me in a miserable stupor- so I relaxed in the sudden lack of obligations, happy to ignore the ever-present checklist of life's "to-do's."

I rarely give myself permission to ignore the checklist, because as long as I can sit upright, I assume there's work to be done, and if I don't do it, then my budget for even bananas and rice crackers will be gone. I don't care if I'm tired or my back hurts or my body decides to undergo a detoxification reaction; every day, I must work. And like every other single person in America who must not only bring home their bacon, but also cook it, too, I have a home to clean and groceries to buy, along with other obligations that leave me wondering when friends and fun will also get to be part of my existence.

Furhter complicating matters are my health challenges, which force me to ration my energy and life's activities, so managing all of the above sometimes thrusts me into survival mode, as I daily strategize how to do all of the "to do's" without massively stressing my body.

The strategizing has been a way of life for me. It's a product of reason and the system under which our society has been taught to operate. But it's also a product of the hardships I have faced growing up, and has been exacerbated by the financial difficulties that have resulted from not being able to work a full-time job for seven years. While the challenges have also caused me to depend more deeply upon God, knowing that He is providing for me is a battle whenever I stray from His presence. So at times, I push myself- to do what I'm not sure He expects me to do, but which I do, because common sense tells me people have to work if they want to eat.

God doesn't live within the confines of what we call common sense, but I'm not willing to bet I can rest on my laurels until my body feels like working, and still live in the beautiful condominium that God has provided for me.

But I'm digressing here. This past week, I gave myself permission to rest fully, when a thousand new work projects clamored for my attention. But I did so only because I had no other choice. And then I asked myself why I allowed myself to clear the "to do" list only because I was too sick to stomach anything but bananas and rice?

That ain't right.

Strategizing instead of surrendering in the Lord is one problem, but the other is that I sometimes don't have a healthy concept of what God expects of me. My workaholic tendencies leave me not knowing when I'm engaging in the addiction, and when I just need to push myself a little to put some bread on the table.

I don't work ten, or twelve, hours per day. I can't. My body decided a long time ago it wouldn't put up with that garbage anymore. When I worked for United Airlines, I sometimes put in 14-hour duty days, but when the marathon days started to become a regular occurrence, my body protested with symptoms, as if to say, "I'm not doing this anymore."

So now, I might write (my principal job) for only four to six hours a day, but those hours stretch across an entire day when I combine them with the other stuff on my "to do" list. And before I know it, the day is filled with obligations and there's little leftover for recreation or relationships- the stuff of which life is meant to be about, just as much as work.

Yet I am thankful. God has miraculously provided for all of my needs, and continues to provide. Writing is difficult, draining work, but at least I don't have to get up at 6 AM, fight traffic and put on make-up and a suit in the morning. I couldn't do it, anyway.

Fortunately, whenever I spend time in God's presence, He enables me to move out of survival mode and shun the false expectations- both of which beset me whenever I buy into the lie that I don't have time for Him or for other people, because there's just too much on the "to-do" list.

But I usually need an hour or two alone with my Lord and Savior- every day- in order to know who He is for me and that I will be provided for, broken body or not. And whenever I lie down, and ask Him for truth and peace- or for whatever it is that He knows I need- I find my strategies disintegrating and my striving abating. The answers to the "to do" list simply come, or the means to do becomes more evident, or I receive His peace about the problems for which I don't yet have solutions.

And during my time with Him, He often encourages me to do one more thing- to have a social life; something that has been denied me to some extent because I haven't felt well for so long, and am accustomed to making survival activities my priority. But surviving isn't living, and I'm slowly learning to believe that God will provide- even if I don't get enough work done because I decided to watch a movie or have dinner with a friend, instead.

Because it was for relationships that we were made, and the body doesn't heal well if the soul is lonely, sad or isolated. As others who read this blog will attest, suffering from symptoms of chronic illness can present a formidable challenge to being in relationships and being able to participate in social events with others. Yet real love transcends recreational companionship and needing friends who are always witty, happy and "with it," and survival and meaning in life come not only through our work, but through the relationships that we have with others.

When I reflect upon my "to do" list- not just my paid work, but my laundry, the dishes and the thousand and one errands that I have to do, I realize that it isn't just me or others with health problems who have too much to do. We live in a society where distractions and obligations abound and technology seems to increase the demands that are inadvertently thrust upon us. Everyone has fifteen email accounts, five thousand friends on Facebook and a million things to do besides.

Half of us live alone or are single parents, divorced or sick; - all of which increase the burden of life's responsibilities upon us, because, instead of sharing in life's duties by living in community with one another, we live alone and manage it all ourselves. Whether it's because we're single or simply like our personal space, the end result of being in such situations is often isolation, loneliness, shallow Internet relationships, and fatigue- the latter resulting from a larger "to do" list than we need to have.

I don't blame anyone for seeking companionship on the Internet. I do it at times, because I live and work alone, and on days when I'm not well enough to step outside my front door, Internet friendships help me to keep my sanity. And I love the people I have met on Facebook and in Lyme disease support groups- as far as I know them, of course. That said, a "friend" on Facebook once said to me, "You know, a lot of people really love you." (Meaning, those who read my books and blogs). I politely responded, "They don't know me. They admire me for my work and my insights, which is different."

While Internet friendships can provide a valuable source of companionship to those who are truly too sick to get out of the house, we all need face-to-face relationships with people, too. People who can hug us, squeeze our hands and smile; share meals with us, laugh with us over a comedy and share in life's responsibilities, and whose communication with us goes beyond the written word. But the Internet is replacing these types of face-to-face relationships with others. This, along with a mentality of independence- with which most of us have been raised-and the circumstances under which we live, foster a life of isolation, which I believe God never intended for His people.

I have traveled to over fifty nations in Africa, Asia, Europe and Latin America, and I have observed that the happiest societies seem to be those where interdependence is not only encouraged, but is also a necessity, and daily social time with family and friends is a priority, not an option. Many of us in the United States are lucky if we share a meal with another human being on a weekly, or even monthly, basis.

There are no easy solutions for the soul accustomed to a life of relative isolation. I'm still trying to find a way out of the quandary myself. But I want to experience the fullness of life that God has for me in relationship with other people, and that means taking and making social time as much of a priority as my so-called "survival activities." And only by spending time with God am I continually reminded, that it is for relationships that we were made. Because only by being with others do we truly survive- and live life to the fullest.

Jewels From My Journal

God speaks to us in many ways. Through nature, events, circumstances, people, books, the Bible, impressions, dreams, visions, and our thoughts.

During my daily prayer time, I generally spend just as much time listening for God's voice as I do speaking to Him. Maybe it's because I'm a writer, but I hear God best through words, sentences and phrases that come to mind whenever I pray. Over the past few years, I have kept a journal of what He has told me through my conversations with Him. I believe that most of the words that are scrawled within this journal are His. I say "most" because my mind has biases and preferences, and my soul carries wounds- which sometimes get in the way of me hearing perfectly from God.

Still, whenever I reflect upon the pages of my journal, I am struck by certain phrases, which I know are from Him, because they are more insightful, optimistic, encouraging and wise than the normal ramble that races across my mind. And they are consistent with His Word and loving character.

Below I share some of the "jewels" of thought that God has given me over the past year, and which I have recorded in my journal during my private times with Him. I share these in the hopes that they will encourage you, too.

What God has said to me:

"When you don't believe I am good, come to Me and I will show you that I am good"

"Stop being practical and live from My promises, not out of your reason."

"Spend more time in the reality of Me than in the reality of what's happening in the world and in your physical body. This is the only way to peace."

"Your greatest struggle isn't poverty, isolation, or sickness. It's your lack of peace. I will teach you how to have peace in every situation, if you come to Me."

"I build trust through uncertain circumstances, not situations of ease."

"You don't have to seek Me, believe Me, or obey Me perfectly in order for My will to be fulfilled in you."

"I can use you, through your mistakes and though your heart's motives towards Me are imperfect."

"I am not the means to your end. I am the end that provides your means."

"If you take to heart the things I have told you about your identity in Me, you will start to see opportunities. It is not opportunities you need, but knowledge of your identity in Me and and who I am for you."

"When people are healed with medicine, there is no recognition that it was because of my Son's work. They may know I blessed the treatment, but it's not the same as understanding that my Son died on a Cross so that they could be (supernaturally) healed. That understanding only happens with miracles."

"Your (healing) testimony isn't going to be that a treatment protocol made you well. Neither you nor your doctors will receive that glory. Only I can heal you fully."

"Remember, every promise I have given you will be challenged by the enemy. When things become especially dark, that is because the dawn is coming."

"Thanking Me and praising Me tears away the veil of lies you believe (about yourself and others)."

"Belief isn't a feeling; it's a choice."

"You want a complicated answer, but the answer is simple: Spend time with Me. That is how you believe and receive. By knowing who I Am."

"Do more things that inspire you. This will teach you how to live out of your heart, not your mind."

"There is grace for your suffering, but at the same time, there are spiritual laws. Words create reality. You must understand this. But my Spirit indwells you and enables you to create the reality I have in mind for you."

"Look to me to help you. Do you want to be well? Then immerse yourself in Me, though it costs you everything."

"When you are suffering and in pain, invert reality. Speak the opposite of what you feel. Do the opposite of what you feel like doing, and great power will be released. All things are possible with my Spirit."

"You say you can't do what I ask of you, but don't forget, I am your helper, and I work in you to will and to do all things."

"Life feels like it's falling apart to you, but the truth is, you are being prepared and aligned. Stop exalting the enemy's attacks against you. Exalt My promises and what I have told you are my plans for you."

"Man's greatest challenge has always been to believe Me. The Bible is filled with such stories. But all things are possible if you have faith."

"Don't be content with 'crumbs' in your relationships- I have come that you may have life, and have it more abundantly."

"I know you are tired, and I grieve with you."

"The core of your pain is that you believe I have rejected you, and the pain has been reinforced by the circumstances of your life. You can't heal this. I must do it-and I will do it- in my time."

"My people believe everything they hear but what comes from my Word. They believe in recession and in the reports of disaster. But what about My report and My promises of abundance?"

"One day you will receive that flood of My presence that you are seeking. Until then, learn to experience me in the more subtle, day-to-day expressions of life."

"Trust, praise and thankfulness open a lot of doors."

"Continue to insist upon the power of your words, and you will see things change in your life. Even if you don't believe at first."

"I like it when you think of Me."

"I delight in spending time with you."

"You don't need to speak words of truth to convince me to bless you, but to convince you that I want to bless you."

"I am a God of detail. I like to know the details of your life. Even those which you consider to be insignificant."

"Rest. Be at peace. I am your provider."

"Don't invent quotas for spending time with Me. Let your time with Me be without compulsion."

"Seek Me with all your heart, that you may remain grounded in truth and forget every reminder of the enemy's work in your life."

"Dare to trust Me."

"Do you know what it's like to be friends with someone apart from what they can do for you? Strive for that kind of friendship with Me."

"Focus on what I have already done for you. It will open the door for you to receive more."

"I know the difficult position you are in, and I am coming to rescue you."

"Don't lie in your bed in the morning and meditate upon lies. Meditate upon my Word."

"You don't need a (physical) remedy. You need to declare the truth about who you are in Me. That you are loved, loveable and capable of giving love to others."

"I don't need you to heal yourself. I just need you to trust Me."

"Your latter years will be greater than your former years. I will restore every year that the locusts have stolen away."

"Meditate upon the fact that I died so that you could have the power that raised Jesus from the dead residing in you. And that this power (the Holy Spirit)enables you to do all things."

"I long for you to seek Me and spend time with Me just for the sake of being with Me. I enjoy being with you. I adore you. I delight in you."