A Conversation with God about Healing....

God sometimes does this really cool thing with my sweetheart Bill. He speaks through him, to me, in the first person. It hasn't happened a lot, but when it does happen- it's powerful.

When we pray, and God begins to speak directly through him, I know that it's God's thoughts and not Bill's that I'm hearing. Why? Because Bill is smart, but God is a genius, and His way of speaking is different than Bill's. He's holy, strong, wise, and positive (if not a bit tough at times!)...and he talks in a manner that reminds me of Jesus' parables in the Bible.

I believe that God can speak to all of us in words, silently and in the first person, and I know that what we hear from God is often mixed with our own biased thoughts and emotions, so that some of what we hear is from our soul, and some from His Spirit.

But when God talks through Bill, aloud and in the first person, I am usually pretty convinced that the words are from Him. If for no other reason that Bills says that the words change me. This is true.

I have no idea whether the following conversation, which Bill and I had with God a few weeks ago, will speak to the hearts of those of you who are struggling with chronic illness, or emotional wounding, but it encouraged me, and gave me some powerful insights into faith healing, and how God heals us supernaturally. I pray it blesses you as much as it blessed Bill and I.



A Conversation with the Lord, March, 2014


After praying and asking the Lord for insights and guidance into Bill's healing from congestive heart failure and other heart problems, I asked God to speak to me directly about Bill, through Bill. On this day, I was petulant and argumentative; depressed and tired...but God responded to my request for wisdom and insight, with candor, kindness and incredible patience.

Me: God, I want to know what we need to do for Bill so he can be completely healed.

God: (speaking through Bill). Why do you feel that what you are doing now is not adequate?

Me: Because we are not seeing improvements.

God: So you believe you must see improvement? (in order to know that I'm healing him)

Me: Well, when (the healing) carries out for months it’s hard (to not think you need to be doing
something differently)

God: What does my Word say?

Me: By your stripes we are healed- today. (Isaiah 53)

God: What does my Word say about seeing things that aren’t as though they are?

Me: So I'm supposed to see him as healed?

God: I'm asking you, what does that scripture mean to you?

Me: Calling into the physical realm things from the spiritual realm.

God: Do you have trouble believing that?

Me: Yes.

God: Did you know that multiple healings can occur at the same time?
Do you believe I’ve given you enough faith to believe in Bill's healing?

Me: I try

He asks again

Me: I hope so

He asks again

Me: I don’t know, because if I did, would I not have doubts?

God: (As if dealing with a petulant child) Then why do you come to me if you don’t believe?

Me: Because sometimes I do believe, but sometimes I get afraid.

God: But you believe.

Me: I'd like to think so, because I pray daily for him (Bill)

God: Then embrace the belief. Your faith doesn’t matter.

Me: So you’ll heal him regardless of my faith?

God: Why would I not?

Me: Lord, it’s taking a long time to see results (in his health) at the clinic he's going to, so we aren’t sure what you want us to do.

God: So you are putting your faith in the clinic? (and the doctors' ability to heal Bill).

Me: No, but we need to know what to do to cooperate with you.

God: Why is your heart so troubled?

Me: Because we don’t know what to do. Lord, I don’t know if there is something we need to do to cooperate with you for His healing.

God: Are you responsible for his healing? Would you be responsible for his death?

Me: Well, no...

God: Then why do you worry?

Me: Because I want to see him healed! I don’t want to see him suffer another day. I want to see him healed today.

God: What would you like that healing to look like?

Me: That his heart would look perfect on the scan, and his emotional heart would be healed, too.
And that he could get up and take a long walk and work, and even climb mountains.

God: Those things that you have just said, have been called forth from that which is not seen. (From the unseen world). Embrace that.

Me: You mean they will happen?

God: You’ve spoken them, so they will manifest

Me: That’s my hope and desire.

God: What kind of hope do you have?

Me: What do you mean?

God: Do you have My hope? Or the hope of the world?

Me: (Dumb as a rock) I don’t know the difference.

God: My hope is not a wish.

Me: (Confessing) It’s probably a wish more than a conviction

God: So why would you wish for that which you can already have?

Me: (whining like a petulant child). But then why is it taking so long? (the healing)

God: My sweet, sweet Girl! How I love you, how you move my heart!
There are many things that will be fashioned around the healing of this man that you love. That will involve your healing as well.

Me: What do you mean?

God: Whenever there is a miraculous event, or miraculous healing, it is never for that person alone. It always has a greater purpose. It always has greater meaning and there are those (people) that will watch and wonder (when they see the event); then there are those that will be in awe, and then there will be others that are skeptical and won’t believe (in the miraculous healing).

Me: So you are saying he is going to be healed? (For some reason I can't seem to grasp this).

God: He will not only be a testimony, but the mere fact of his healing will heal others; yourself included.

Me: So what do we have to do to see it manifest in the physical realm?

God: And you want to accelerate it (the healing) for what reason?

Me: Because I want him to be well today.

God: Do you want My will or yours?

Me: Isn’t your will for him to be well today?

God: So if this thing were to happen, what would you do?

Me: I would rejoice and tell everyone about it, and help him to walk into the life that you have for him.

God: Would you lay down everything in your life and place it before me, and say to me "Do with this as you wish? Everything?"

Me: Well, I would try. What does that have to do with his healing, anyway?


God: There are events that I put into place that feed upon each other, and if you get those out of sync, they can’t feed off each other.

Me: I don’t understand

God: There are events that are tied to the renewing, reconstructing, and the regrowth of his heart, that will touch (affect) others, not just you. Those events are in place (scheduled to happen). To interrupt the sequence- well, there must be a good reason for that. You want it to be done now. So if there is transaction that must take place for it to happen right now, then what are you willing to do?

Me: I don’t understand

God: There is a path to his healing that has already been instituted, but you want it to be done now. You want this path of healing to be interrupted, changed, and modified even though there are others downstream from this healing that will receive from it, too.

Me: So it is selfish for me to want it done now?

God: Well, their lives would be different than what they would have been otherwise.

Me: So how long does Bill have to go through this? Don’t you want him well today? I mean, when Jesus healed, it was always right then, right there, on that day. Is it not your will for him to be well today?

God: Is he not well today?

Me: No. We just want your strategy, Lord.

God: No, you were complaining because I didn’t do what you wanted me to do already.

Me: I understand there is a purpose in this God, but how many years does he have to (struggle with this problem) before he no longer has it? I want him to live out the remainder of his life on earth in health.

God: Moses came to me and argued for the Israelities, remember that? And I negotiated with him. So do you want me to negotiate with you? But remember, in negotiations, there are transactions, agreed? So if I do something (for him), there will be something on the other end (from you), is that right?

Me: Yes

God: Moses came and I changed my mind. I went a different direction because of what he said.

Me: It's amazing we can change your mind. We little people.

God: Why do you say "little people?"

Me: Because we are stupid compared to you. Why should we have any say? (in your will)

God: If you didn’t have a free will, you wouldn’t have any say. But I gave you free will, so I gave you a say. It can be used for good or bad. But you do have a say (about what happens in the world).

Me: Thank you

God: So what you are seeking is a sign. You are always seeking a sign. Yet it says in the Bible that those that seek me without (needing to see) a sign will be fulfilled. So I will give you a sign, if you will quit seeking signs.

Me: You will give me a sign (to confirm) Bill's healing?

God: Yes

Me: A visible manifestation that something has changed?

God: Yes. But quit looking outside (for the miracle) and look from within, because you always seek signs and miracles. Maybe the greatest miracle is just staying (being) where you are at and touching the hearts of the people (around you) even though there is no physical manifestation of healing. There can be spiritual manifestations (of healing) that are significant to a person, without any physical manifestation.

Me: But God, it is encouraging to see the miracles.

God: Seek me for encouragement. Don't seek the signs and wonders. Seek Me.

Me: We want to (visibly) see what You have done so we can tell others...(and encourage them).

God: Of course. There can be encouragement (a person can be encouraged when they see a healing miracle), but don’t seek your encouragement in these things. Do you know the difference? You give them power that should go to me. When you seek encouragement from the signs, you are seeking power from the signs. The power is manifested in Me, never in the signs.

In the Old Testament, people were always seeking signs. Give me a sign or a miracle…NO! Seek me first and you will find the miracle.

Me: I do try to seek you, Lord.

God: The first miracle you ever got was what?
When you accepted Jesus Christ (as your Lord and Savior) and he took all your sins from you. That is a miracle. But you sought him first.

Me: So how am I seeking signs with Bill? I just want to see him healed.

God: Because when he has a setback or a struggle (with his health), or the appearance of (a setback), and is not doing something that you want to see happen right now, you buckle at the knee, you waver (in your faith for his healing).

Me: But we haven’t seen a change (in his symptoms). So maybe there is something I need to do differently?

God: That (is an attitude of) doubt and unbelief. By doubting when there doesn’t appear to be a physical manifestation of his healing, doesn’t mean that the healing isn’t occurring.

But here’s what I will do. There will be a physical change in his heart (I will cause there to be a positive change), when Todd (the radiologist) returns to test him. And for that, you will do nothing for the next few days but praise Me, just as if you had already been able to see that physical change occur.

Me: Thank you. Then what do we do? Just keep thanking you as we always have?

God: If you believe that he’s already been healed, then he’s healed. All you are doing is waiting for the physical manifestation of that healing. Do you want me to give you an example? (of what that means)?

Me: Yes

God: Have you ever cut yourself? Did you doubt that the cut would heal? No, you knew it would heal automatically. But it still hurt, right? So know in your heart, in the same way, that Bill will be healed. That is how you cooperate for his healing.

Me: So do we just wait for it to happen Lord? Because people say God uses medicine.

God: It will happen no matter what you wish. But remember, the manifestation of the healing is always for more than just one person (not just Bill).

Me: I just know that you also use medicine to heal so I am confused. Because if it's a cut, you do nothing because you know it will heal on its own. But (how can it be) the same way with a heart?

God: Sometimes you can mix things (ideas), you know that? I gave you that as an example because if you got a cut you would know that it would heal. But don’t you know that there are people that have cuts that don’t heal?

Me: (Insistent upon this question). But do we use medicine? Or is that a sign of unbelief?

God: There are levels of healing. I gave the things of this earth for healing and nourishment. I gave the things of this earth to build up man, and man can live (only) on that physical plane, and plenty do. But I gave My children the things of the Spirit; (a higher level of healing); people who sought out the things of the Spirit through the Lord Jesus Christ (would have access to a higher level of healing).

Me: So if we live by the Spirit, then we don’t need the physical realm? (Physical remedies to heal).

God: The question is, do you live by the Spirit totally? Does Bill?

Me: Well...no.

God: Then maybe we need the things of the physical realm to at least work at the physical level, because (or but) when the things of the Spirit are healed, the whole person is healed. It is the physical that you seek to be healed, so maybe we should just work at the physical level.

Me: I believe there is a higher way (to healing, through the Spirit), but I lack faith.

God: So you think that you lack faith and that I punish you for that?

Me: I take the long road of medicine, but there is a higher way, through the Spirit. But because I lack something, I don’t see healing on that level.

God: Is (healing by the) Spirit different than (healing in) the physical (realm)?

Me: Yes.

God: Then why do you apply the same principles to both?

Me: What do you mean?

God: When you get a cut, you put something on it to stop the bleeding. That is something that you must do to stop the bleeding. But would the bleeding stop anyway? Most of the time, it would.

Me: So you are saying Bill would be healed anyway, whether he did treatments or not?

God: If I said he is going to be healed, then he is going to be healed. It doesn’t matter what you do, but it matters what he does.

Me: So his healing is not contingent upon him staying in Del Rio? (Where the clinic is).

God: No, but if you had not come to Del Rio and sought treatment, how would Bill be today?

Me: Not so good

God: So, do you think I led you to these things? It's a physical issue (that he has), right? But also an emotional and spiritual one, right? So why do you always demand that it be one or the other? Black or white? Left or right?

Me; Because prophecies have contingencies and if we don’t do the right thing, then the healing won't happen

God: What does obeying and doing the right thing have to do with each other?

Me: We have to cooperate with you for that healing. That is what I've been taught.

God: Bill could take a gun to his head. He has the power to kill himself, it can be done quickly or it can be done slowly. So does it depend on you or upon him?

Do you think he believed me when I said he’d be well? Do you think he’ll trust me?

Me: Yes

God: Then what do you think will happen?

Me: He will be healed. But if he doubts, can he receive the healing?

God: Yes, but when doubt turns to unbelief, and unbelief turns to actions of unbelief, then it makes it difficult (to receive the healing).

Me: So are my prayers, prayers of unbelief and are they reaching you?

God: What part of Jesus' salvation don’t you understand? You don’t think I hear you. I hear what you say.

Me: But if I don’t pray in faith, and have unbelief, then it would hinder him.

God: Do you pray?

Me: Yes

God: Then you have faith.
Connie, you have to let Bill go.
All you can do is pray for him. Let him go.

Me: So there is nothing else we can do?

God: There are emotions that need to be healed in his heart.
(The ministers you know) can help with that. So can you, and he.

Me: But you are saying it will be done?


God: It’s always about you and what you can do, right?
You think I care more about what you can do (about doing the right thing), or your heart?

Me: My heart

God: Then have peace in that.


Later...

Me: Lord, I ask questions, because I’m constantly afraid to do the wrong thing, but I want to obey you.

God: I’d rather you be off the path and not be afraid to take the step.
Do you think I expect you to be perfect?

Me: No

God: Then why do you put that upon me?

Me: Because you say I ask so many questions and that you can’t give me understanding because I ask questions.

God: Do I expect you to be perfect? Do I ask you to do anything you can’t do?

Me: I don’t seem to hear you so much of the time, so…I don’t know.

God: Do you ever question God’s purpose? Or his heart?

Me: (Dumb as a rock) I don’t know.

God: Do you ever say, "God why haven’t you done this yet?" If so, you are questioning My purpose and intent.

Me: I guess I do then.

God: Who do you think would ask a question like that?
It would be a demonic question, wouldn’t it?
Who is the author of those types of questions?

Me: The devil

God: So we have to discern what are lies, and what are not lies, right?

Me: I don’t know what to expect. I mean, you did allow me to be sick for 10 years.

God: So is dying a bad thing?

Me: Yes it is, because I want Bill to live out the fullness of his years here.
I want him to have the chance to do things you have put on his heart; have his dreams fulfilled, have years of health here on earth.

God: Hold those things (in your heart) just like you said them; make no change in them, and never waver from them.

Creating Healing from The Invisible

Most of us live according to the visible realm. What we see, we believe. What we experience with our five senses, we deem to be reality.

If you're sick with Lyme disease and you see spirochetes swimming around in your blood under a microscope, you assume that the bugs are why you feel bad. Logically.

But what if the invisible realm held more sway over our lives than what we see? What if our beliefs, our words, and recognition of the spirit world and its power to influence our health were more highly regarded than an antibiotic, herb or other medical treatment that most of us rely upon to kill that spirochete?

What if a thought or a word from the Spirit of God could kill that spirochete in 60 seconds flat, faster than an antibiotic or herbal remedy?

Well...it can. The problem is- well at least for me- is that my life's experiences have trained me to expect a greater effect from the things of the material world.

Yet according to the book of Genesis in the Bible, God spoke Creation into existence. Hebrews 11:3 says,
"By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible." So if you believe the Bible, it was the invisible that created the visible, not the other way around. Words became physical substance. Words set in motion the creation of the world.

Words also set in motion healing and wellbeing; or disease, death and destruction. "The power of life and death is in the tongue." (Proverbs 18:21).

And while science has proven that our thoughts have frequencies that affect the health of every one of our cells (check out Bruce Lipton's book, "The Biology of Belief"), when we speak the Word of God over ourselves according to the Bible, the power to positively transform our cells comes not only from the energy of our thoughts, but from the infinitely greater power of the Holy Spirit.

Words aren't just words. Words attract supernatural powers, for better or for worse. Those powers influence the health of the body. The greatest and highest power in the universe comes from God, who has given all those who have accepted His Son Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, "...the authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy." (Luke 10:19).

It's not our will and innate human energy that has the highest potential to heal- although there is great power in the human mind. Greater than the human mind, however, is the human spirit and the Spirit of the living God, who communes with our spirits and has authority over the mind and body to heal them, according to God's Word.

God's intentions are for us to be whole, in body, mind and spirit. But when we operate on the level of the body, and have greater faith in the resources that God has placed on the earth for us to use than in the God who is the Source of all resources, we are harnessing healing on a lower level than what God intended.

That's not to say that God doesn't heal using the things of the natural world, but a herb has greater power to heal when it's infused with a person's faith in the living God to bless it.

It might seem as though the spirochete is what makes a person with Lyme sick, but the Bible says,
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) NIV

Dark forces and the devil set in motion death and destruction in the invisible realm, through the power of words, which they send into our souls to get us to think toxic thoughts about ourselves and others. If enough toxic thoughts accumulate, the immune system becomes depressed and susceptible to you guessed it- a manifestation of disease in the physical realm, such as Lyme disease.


But if the power of life and death are in the tongue, and the visible realm was created by the invisible, and all authority on heaven and on earth have been given to the resurrected Christ- and that Christ lives in the true followers of Jesus - then that spirochete doesn't
stand a chance. That is, if we know the power and authority that has been given to us to speak to that spirochete and tell it to get lost.

If we know that the power of God is released every time we speak His truth over our bodies, minds and spirits. If we know that His Word contains more power to move mountains than a thousand bulldozers...if we know that His will is for us to be well...If we know that the spirit realm is as real as the air we breathe.

If we know that when Jesus Christ died on the Cross, He conquered the power of sickness and every work of the powers of darkness, and that because of His work, that power has been transferred to us by His Spirit. As it says in Isaiah 53:5 "By His stripes we are healed."
Amen, Jesus. Amen.

The God of All Provision

I don't mean to sound like the proverbial parrot, but we're living in difficult times. Many people I know are without work, and the world is in a massive recession.

Fortunately, I don't think God is in a recession. And that's good news because God is the author of all provision, and as I've looked to Him for wisdom and direction in these years, I've been blessed financially. Despite not being able to work many days.

I think it was the prophet John Paul Jackson who said that in times of economic hardship, the first place that Christians stop giving is to the church- or to God, basically. Maybe we figure that God will forgive us if we don't give away our treasure, time and talents to those in need. Surely, He has grace upon us when illness besets us and there's no bacon to be brought home. He understands when we're a single parent with three kids to support and knows there's nothing leftover after the rent, food and cell phone have all been accounted for. He doesn't condemn us for not throwing five dollars into the Salvation Army bucket after we've been laid off from our jobs. He might even agree that the shabby guy on the corner with the "Hungry, Please Help" sign should get a job instead of spending his donations on his drinking habit.

Our justifications often make good, practical sense. And I don't think God snatches our belongings from us when fear compels us to tighten our grip on the meager few dollars that remain in our wallets. Neither does he scold us for turning a blind eye to the man with a sign or to the widow with a baby, because, after all, He knows we're human.

At the same time, Jesus said that it's more blessed to give than receive, and there's also this spiritual principle that operates in the world, called sowing and reaping; meaning, whenever you sow a blessing into another person's life, you reap a reward from that. Sometimes, it's not a financial award, or in the time or place that you expect- but I think it's fair to say that when we extend a hand to others, God takes our other hand and pulls us up to a higher place.

God also likes it when we trust Him. In the Bible, stories abound of how God provided for the people whenever they looked to Him in expectant faith and hope, believing their needs would be met.

That's not an easy thing to do when the telephone company is threatening to cut off your service and you're once again two months short on the rent-for the tenth month in a row.

Believe me, I know. When Lyme disease snatched my life out from under me in 2004, and I lost my job, savings and home- all within a year- it shook my trust and belief in a loving God who supposedly meets the needs of His people. But God didn't allow my faith to totally crumble, and intuitively, I sensed that if I wanted to survive the days to come, I had to demonstrate my faith in Him to provide, by doing what was hard for me- giving to others out of my lack.

I'm not the most generous person I know, and I've never been without food or a place to live, but for many years beginning in 2004, I didn't know how I would make it. I was sick, disabled, and spending many thousands of dollars to try to fix my ailing body. In 2006, I moved to Costa Rica because I could no longer afford life in the United States, and for several years, I survived mostly on Disability income. I can't say I trusted God with singing praises during those years, but I guess I trusted Him enough to tithe, believing that one day, it would pay off.

And indeed, it has. To this day, I still spend thousands of dollars a year on medical expenses, but I have a home again in the US. I make a full-time income working part-time, and while I still drive an old Honda and have little money in savings, I'm slowly digging my way out of the hole. Or rather, God is digging me out of it.

While God is good and generous and merciful, I'm learning that provision isn't automatic, and neither does it fall upon us like fairy dust most of the time. The spiritual principle of sowing and reaping factors into what we receive in this world, as does our trust in God.

But there's even more to it than that- obedience.

These days, the church in America is anemic because amidst an atmosphere of fear, people are holding on tightly to what they have, instead of asking God where and how He wants them to give. Others are falling prey to an attitude of entitlement, which manifests itself in the belief that if they just trust God, a dream job or bag full of money will fall into their laps. I condemn nobody, as we all have our blind spots, but receiving from God- whether for financial provision, or our health or relationship needs- usually depends upon our obedience to Him, as much as our trust in Him. Our blessings aren't earned, and God loves to generously give to His people, but abiding in Him sets in motion the spiritual principles that enable us to receive all that He has for us.

One manner of abiding is in our giving to others- our time, financial resources, and energy, and in doing the work He's called us to do-faithfully. But it's God who must show us how we're meant to spend our days, as well as when to give, how and to whom. Giving out of compulsion or obligation doesn't earn us brownie points with God (we already have all the favor in the world, anyway, because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the Cross) but giving whenever He prompts us to, positions us to receive a downpour of blessing from Heaven.

During the years that my wallet was thin and my body a mess, I wrote books. I wrote while in agonizing pain, and I wrote while tired, brain-fogged and depressed. It was never easy. It's still not easy. And while I don't think God expected me to work full-time, taking on a job that would have been physically, mentally and emotionally impossible- He did expect me to use what remained of my body, brain and talents, to make a way for myself. It wasn't easy, but it was possible. Only God knows what's true in the end, but I believe that because my intent was to honor God and to work as far as I was able, He blessed me.

Fear tells us to be practical in times of struggle. To hoard, save and turn our backs on the needs of others. It justifies, rationalizes, and tells us that we shouldn't give, because we're too sick, needy, depressed, busy or broke...and that guy on the corner with a sign will spend our donation on drugs, anyway. But God's nature is to give, and His desire is that we become like Him.

Whenever we have poverty of mind, spirit or body, our desire to give wanes and withers. It's only natural. Yet God lives above the plane of poverty, in the realm of the supernatural and the impossible. And if He abides in us, He works in us a way to give, when we feel as though we have and are nothing- but are willing to be used by Him. In times of poverty, He may only ask that we drop a dime into the Army bucket. Or He may ask us, according to our faith, to sell all that we have, in order that we may receive more. The important thing is that we rejoice in our giving, knowing that it will bring more abundant blessings down the road.

I'll finish this post with a story. What I'm about to tell you represents just one of many financial miracles that God has worked in my life during this season of extraordinary hardship. I share it with you to encourage you, that you might know how powerfully God can work in the life of a person who is willing to let go of what they have, in order to receive more.

Some years ago, one of my close friends in Costa Rica owed a $1,000 debt on her home, which she owned and used as a base for her catering business. The bank told her that they would take her home away from her unless she paid the debt within three days. Sobbing, she called me on the phone, and asked if I could help. At that time, I didn't have a lot of money, and wasn't sure I could afford to pay the debt for her. But because I loved her, I sent her the money, with little more than a mustard seed of faith that God would make up for the debt. My friend got on a bus in San Jose
and as she was headed home, three armed robbers boarded the bus and proceeded to rob EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE BUS EXCEPT FOR HER. In San Jose, people seldom walk around with more than a few dollars in their pockets, partly because they don't have much, and partly because robberies and muggings are common. So the fact that my friend was probably carrying more money than anyone else on that bus, and yet was the only one who didn't get robbed- is a testament to God's provision in one desperate woman's life. What's more, the following week I won a free month of rent- which, at the time, happened to be $1,040 per month. So guess what? God gave back to me what I had given to my friend (and then some!) through that lottery win.

If you are struggling- be encouraged! God's provision isn't contingent upon you giving away all that you have, but if you obey Him, as a manifestation of trust in His love and generosity, I believe you will be abundantly blessed, in ways that go beyond financial provision. Because the greatest reward of giving, perhaps, is the joy in seeing another being provided for, and in knowing that God chose you, above all others, to bring a blessing into that person's life.

Contending for the Victory God Has Promised

If the years in which I struggled with chronic Lyme disease were a challenge, the past two years have been a nightmare, as I have weaned off two sleep medications that sustained me during the seven years that I endured grueling antimicrobial therapy. No bones about it, the withdrawal symptoms from getting off these brain-damaging drugs have been severe enough to throw me off the blog map, as my productivity has taken a nose dive.

Interestingly, at the same time that I have awakened at 4 am and screamed at God from my bed more times than I can count, He has increased my authority and discernment in the spiritual realm, and honored me in my prayers for others' healing. Beneath my dysfunctional brain chemistry, I'm guessing I have more faith and a deeper consecration to my Lord than outward appearances would suggest. I think He has mercy and grace upon me because He knows the intense garbage I've gone through over the past 39 years of life.

Does that encourage anyone? I hope so.

I still have a lot to learn- including how to shut my mouth and curse Satan instead of God when I haven't slept in six nights. Indeed, as a dear friend said to me, "You need to know who your enemy is, Connie, and it's not God". Yup, I know we live in a world of spiritual laws and declaring the enemy's lies isn't the best way to overcome insomnia and despair. Do I ever know that!

Yet I think the demons are packing their bags. I see evidence of this every time I thank God for the people He's put into my life to help me; every time I enjoy a deep, restful night of sleep, and through revelation, witness my body, soul and spirit gaining victory over the lies that have held me captive.

My relationship with God is strong and it's real, if at times contentious. And He's showing me the ever-increasing amount of anointing and power that He's placed within me, and not because I'm a saint, but because the parts of me that aren't fractured and broken really do love Him and want to serve Him.

So despite my stuggles, I sense God urging me to crawl out from under my cold blanket and share again with others my life experiences, because somehow, I know it will speak to others who are enduring similar hardships.

I'm about as strong as they come, but over the past couple of years, I've wanted to give up at times. God eliminated the Lyme disease but the enemy has kept throwing the punches. Yet He who is in me is more powerful than he who is in the world, (1 John 4:4) and stronger than the power of my flesh, so I keep standing. As I do, the favor and power of God come at me in new and more powerful ways, and my heart does a little dance at the blessings He's bestowed upon me. Because I know that while the spiritual hosts of wickedness would like to keep me out of the game, God is greater and in the end it is His will that will prevail in my life.

So with the help of a few warriors that God has placed in my path of late, I'm learning to lose the intimidation over my problems, knowing that God knows the way out of this mess and has something amazing on the other side of it. Glimpses of the amazing are already happening, because, like the Apostle Paul on the island of Patmos, though I am in chains, He is using me to heal others.

I believe that the tears and the joy that I see in others' eyes when I pray for them is just a foretaste of what God has planned for me in the days ahead. And I know that the magnitude of the challenges I have faced are a reflection of the magnitude of the good things that await me on the other side, as I learn to wield the sword He's given me.

Over the years, I have asked God why He doesn't just heal me with an instantaneous miracle, as I've seen Him do so many times with others. The answer is always the same. "I need you to learn to pick up your sword." The sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, and which releases power for healing and breakthrough.

"But God, it's so heavy! I don't know how to use this thing." I sometimes say.

He tells me that if I'll just pick that sword up, with practice, I will grow stronger and more proficient in its use. As long as I remember to put on the other parts of the armor, as spoken of in Ephesians 6: 10-17:

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.



I'm tempted at times to blame all the brain damage and resultant insomnia I've suffered on Lyme disease and drugs. Much of it is a result of that. But in the end, the war Christians wage in this world is not against the natural realm or the flesh. It is against spiritual forces of darkness; against Satan, and what at times may appear a simple biological fau paux; the result of living in a polluted world, often becomes a playground for darkness, and is what really binds us. Yet God, in His mercy, sent Jesus Christ, His son, into this world, that we might have power over the evil one, our flesh, and everything else that conspires against the life of God in us.

The Bible states that He has given us "all things that we need for life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). When God lives within us, no demonic entity has a legal right or ability to reign over us. The more we embrace this and know our identity in Jesus Christ, and who He is for us, the more the powers of darkness flee at His name.

Sometimes, a simple prayer will do the trick. At other times, we need to contend and persevere, continually, for the prize that God has promised us. And as I pick up my sword yet again, I am enabled to press forward, knowing that it is "He who works in me to will and to do all things" (Phil 2:13). It is He who strengthens my arms for battle; He who teaches me to wield the sword and wear the armor; He who will bring me out of the wilderness, and into victory.

Bloated with "Stuff"

Lately, I have been pondering one of my greatest enemies to intimacy with God.

Stuff.

It's everywhere. Though I strive for a simple, uncluttered life, I am besieged by the tyranny of "stuff", which pervades American society and is practically part of our national identity.

Stuff isn't bad. Stuff can be great. But really....we have too much stuff. In our homes. Our brains. Our bodies. Our relationships. I could go on. We are bloated with stuff. And if you don't believe me, I encourage you to spend a year in a less-developed country and see if you don't agree that overabundance characterizes our society, and it's not always a good thing.

It's not just about owning twenty pairs of shoes or a hundred kitchen gadgets, or trolling E-Bay on a weekly basis for the latest fashion jeans.

It's about distractions. Our stuff can manifest as checking six email accounts and Facebook ten times a day; surfing through six hundred television channels; poring over videos on You Tube, and spending time on ten thousand other activities that suck up every minute so that the essential gets neglected. (The problem is, if you are like me, then you find yourself being tricked into believing that Facebook and email are more essential than spending a little time with God).

Stuff has also infected the church. Programs, Christian books, and classes and courses for everything under the sun-from basket weaving to couples counseling, to Bible studies- fill our brains and schedules with "stuff."

Ideas, information and knowledge- which are continually on the increase, thanks in part to the Internet- can be valuable mental stuff, but in excess, they bloat the mind. Then the intellect gets stuck in a whirlwind of reasoning and analysis, and fails to cooperate with the Spirit in the Spirit's quest to impart Godly wisdom to it.

I condemn nobody for succumbing to stuff. And I'm sure not everyone is like me. My stuff manifests as a myriad of unprofitable ideas and information that compete for space in my brain; as three telephones and six email accounts that constantly clamor for my attention; as advertisements that promise to give me this or that, and take me from here to there to everywhere. The stuff manifests as invitations to a multitude of church activities...but why am I not doing the essential, like feeding that guy under the bridge a sandwich? Do you know what I mean?

I mean...do I really need to read another Christian book to grow in my walk with the Lord? Do I need to answer every email in order to stay ahead in my work? Do I really need to attend another women's event at church to alleviate my depression?

In my life, I find that the pervasiveness of stuff crowds out the one thing that I need most...time alone with my God, so that I can enter into a more intimate relationship with Him. Activities, classes, television programs and books about God, don't count, but I've been fooled into thinking that such things will bring me closer to Him by teaching me about Him. While they do have a way of bringing me into His presence, observing God from afar, or from someone else's perspective, isn't the same as sitting down to have a cup of coffee with Him, one-on-one.

So I grieve when my time with God gets shuffled to the bottom of the pile of...well, stuff. Too often, conversation with Jesus and soaking in the presence of my Lord is what I do when all else gets done, because after all, I think that He is patient. Anyway, my time with Him doesn't always produce some fast, tangible result that I can link to my survival- such as paying the bills or making dinner.

Of course, God is with me always, but acknowledging Him here and there throughout the day doesn't seem to produce the same results in my relationship with Him as when I dedicate my full time and attention to Him for an hour or two daily.

I need to work for my daily bread, and Facebook and email connections feed me with much-needed social interaction. But these, and other things, have a way of creeping into the realm of the non-essential, and even wasteful, so that I cease to remember that, "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4).

I know it and yet I don't. If I knew in my heart how essential it was to feed on my Lord daily; to drink of the water of Life, to spend time in His presence, getting to know Him instead of about Him, my resistance against the demons of stuff might
be greater. But I sometimes get tricked by the allure and sparkle of stuff.

Stuff sparkles; but all that glitters isn't gold. The only real gold in this world is my relationship with Jesus Christ, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit- the Trinity, or three heavenly beings that together, comprise the God of the Universe. I am grateful that He continually reminds me of this, so that my forays into the vortex of stuff are temporary.

When stuff assumes its proper place in my life, I am at peace. I sense the presence and love of God more strongly in my life. I have greater discernment and wisdom. Worldly knowledge takes its proper place in my intellect. My reason submits to the Spirit, instead of following the devil or my biochemistry on a wild goose chase of analysis that ultimately lands me into a pile of tears.

Stuff can be good, if it's created by God. But I'm learning how to filter out, remove, and refuse the unessential and unprofitable, so that what matters most- my relationship with the Creator of the Universe- remains fulfilling, and bears the fruit of peace and joy in my life. It is a challenge in our society to push back the stuff, but I believe that when we make an effort to do so, in order to pursue a more intimate relationship with God, we reap benefits that are far more magnificent and wonderful than anything that the world, with all its stuff, can provide us.

I can think of no better benefit than knowing God and His love for me, and being able to give that love back to the world. Receiving from God is a process, but if we are faithful to spend time with Him, I believe that over time, He brings the reality of His love, and who He is, into our hearts, minds, bodies and spirits. What could be better?

God's Healing Provision in the Days to Come

People's health nowadays is being attacked from many directions. I see it in the small things, as well as the big. The devil is busy at work within the agricultural biotechnology and pharmaceutical industries; the FDA, and other entities that promote profit above the well being of people. I realize that there are God-loving people that work within these industries, but unfortunately, the net effect of these industries upon society's health hasn't generally been positive.

I cringe whenever I see flu vaccine signs advertised, because I know that vaccines are a major part of the reason why the autism rate is now 1 in 40 people. I am dismayed whenever I hear about a friend who is about to do chemotherapy for her cancer, because, having written a book on cancer, I know that this therapy is suicide for most who do it. But people are led into it because medical policy is dictated by wealthy pharmaceutical companies, and physicians have been brainwashed into believing that immune-destroying drugs really cure people.

But harmful health care practices based on flawed science and drug company interests are only the tip of the iceberg. All you have to do is walk into a conventional grocery store to see the multitude of ways in which the enemy is destroying people's health. Nearly all of the food sold in these markets has been genetically-modified, and contains a plethora of unhealthy substances, including immune-altering antibiotics and hormones; gut-destroying pesticides, inflammation-promoting additives and preservatives, and other "junk" that is wrecking the health of millions worldwide. This toxic food supply is largely the result of drug and biotechnology industry greed, as well as ignorance by those who don't understand that their work is really harming people more than it is helping them.

Unfortunately, the enemy's tactics to destroy our health go beyond the toxic food supply and even more toxic conventional medical system. The enemy operates in many industries; the telecommunications industry, for example. As people rush to purchase the latest smartphones or install Wi-Fi in their homes, the incidence of cancer quietly skyrockets from the electromagnetic pollution that has already resulted from the use of these things.

You don't have to go far to see how environmental toxins are wrecking people's health. Just look up at the sky, and you'll see chemtrails left behind by pilots who probably believe that the pesticides that they are dumping are really meant for some "pest" besides the humans that are sickened by them.

Then there's radiation from sources such as Fukushima; heavy metal toxins that drift around the world from coal burning in China, and toxicity from a multitude of other industries, which is slowing poisoning our population to death.

I could go on, but why exalt the enemy's plans to destroy God's people? Although I must confess that lately, I have been enraged because of what I know. Fury grips me whenever I gaze at the skies, or see a flu vaccine sign, or happen upon a commercial for a drug that I know will destroy more lives than it saves.

I groan in silent desperation, whenever I hear about an organic farmer being sued for a crime he did not commit; when I learn of health food companies caving to the pressure of biotech firms to genetically-modify their food, and read reports of nutrient supplement companies being shut down because they didn't provide enough evidence for the effectiveness of their products-or so went the excuse.

I believe that God has impressed upon me a sobering fact in recent years; that the day is coming when good, holistic medical care will no longer be publicly available. People will have to resort to the toxic therapies of the conventional medical system- if they want to have health care at all. The day is also coming when the only food that will be available in supermarkets will be genetically-modified, processed and extensively manipulated; and the environment will be so toxic that a high percentage of the population will succumb to illness from these toxins.

And I have asked God what His provision will be for those times; how He will take care of His people, so that we can carry out His will on earth, with able, healthy, strong bodies and sound minds. Even now, many millions around the world are already sick from environmental toxins, bad medicine, or simply no medicine. And I think God grieves over it.

Unfortunately, most people today don't have the resources, knowledge or ability to do what it takes to live in a toxin-free environment; to see the best holistic doctors, to eat organic food, and to avail themselves of the necessary resources to remain well. Maintaining proper health is fast becoming a privilege that only the wealthy and well-educated can afford.

Yet I don't believe that God intended for health to belong only to the well-educated; to people like me, who have studied holistic medicine for nearly a decade, and to the wealthy, who can afford the expensive doctors who seem to be the only ones that know how to adequately treat environmental illness. Besides, wealth and education may soon become somewhat irrelevant in the battle to remain well, if what God has impressed upon me does indeed happen.

Through my books and writings, I teach people how to heal from chronic illness, as well as how to remain well. I educate them about organic food; about how to avoid electromagnetic fields and other toxins, and pursue holistic medicine, rather than pharmaceutical remedies, for their ailments. It's how God is using me right now to help others.

But what will be God's plan, as resources dwindle, good health care vanishes, and the environment and food supply become increasingly toxic?

I believe that part of the answer is found in the Biblical Scripture Mark 16:18 (NIV). Here, it states, "they (those that believe in, and receive, Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior) will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

Healing miracles were commonplace among the followers of Jesus Christ during the first 300 years following His death and resurrection. Today, they are common only in third-world countries, and in a few churches within the developed world (such as Bethel church in Redding, California). Some ministers who have large, international healing ministries believe this to be because most people in developed nations no longer believe that Jesus Christ heals people today, or that it is always His will to heal.

Yet a close examination of the Scriptures, and specifically, those which have to do with the Atonement, reveal that when Jesus died on a Cross over two thousand years ago, He purchased not only our redemption from sin, but from every sickness-emotional and physical- that we would ever suffer from here on earth. Chapter 53, verses 4-7 in the book of Isaiah, which was authored approximately 600 years prior to Jesus' birth, reveal this:

4 "Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all."

The healing that is referred to in verse five is both physical and emotional. Sometimes, however, this healing isn't immediate, and dark forces in the spiritual realm can block people's healing, and we must persist in prayer in order to disempower those forces. Books such as Christ the Healer as well as my book, Healing Chronic Illness: By His Spirit, Through His Resources" www.healingchronicillness.org, explain these concepts. But more importantly, they explain why Jesus is willing and able to heal all those who come to Him, and how to receive that healing.

I have witnessed hundreds of healing miracles over the past several years, and have been used by God to heal others supernaturally- of back pain, blurry vision, teeth infections, and cancer- to name just a few ailments.

In these days of economic and political turmoil, when access to good medical care is becoming increasingly scarce, the safety of the food supply is in jeopardy, and the environment becomes increasingly toxic, I believe it is important that we know Jesus Christ as our ultimate Healer. That we know what He can do for us, beyond the resources that He has provided for us in the natural realm. If we know He is a God of miracles, then I believe that some of the factors that are destroying our health today will become less relevant, or important, in the days to come.

Consider Heidi Baker of Iris ministries. Heidi and her husband have planted over 5,000 churches in Mozambique and other African nations. They are largely provided for by God supernaturally; through food multiplication and healing miracles, which occur daily. Medical care in most African nations is extremely poor, so many people in these nations have learned to rely exclusively upon Him for their well being- because they have no other choice.

Sometimes I wonder if God is bringing the United States to a similar state of dependence upon Him, so that we will know how great His love is towards us, and how powerfully that love can manifest in our hearts, minds and bodies. Will we learn any other way, but if we are obliged to depend totally upon Him?

I think He may also be trying to teach us how great His mighty power and Spirit are within those of us who have received Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. The power of His Spirit within every believer is exemplified through verses such as Mark 16:18 (see above). While I wouldn't advocate drinking poison to see if it harms you, I would encourage looking past the natural realm for healing provision, sustenance, and protection from toxins. Because the Spirit is above the natural realm, and can affect and overcome all things within it. I believe that knowing our identity in Jesus Christ, and the power that lives within us, is the same power that can enable our bodies and minds to overcome disease, in times when resources in the natural realm become toxic or scarce. I don't know how, but I know that He knows how.

God promises to provide for all of His children, and His will is always to heal. He is doing it for multitudes in Mozambique, and other third-world nations, and even in developed nations that don't necessarily believe in His healing power. Greater miracles are seen, however, when a nation collectively believes in Him, and turns to Him for life, healing and redemption.

For now, I thank my God for medicine, because He has been using it to heal me. But I also thank Him for urging me to focus more upon Jesus Christ and his supernatural ability and willingness to heal me, and keep me safe from the evils of our toxic world.

This week, God urged me to get my gaze off of vaccines, chemtrails, drug company advertisements, and all of the evils that are presently destroying people's health-including mine. He admonished me to forgive those who create legislation without checking their consciences; to release from my rage those who intend to control the food supply, as well as those who ignorantly promote products and drugs that harm more than help the world.

I am still working on forgiving those who, in my self-righteousness, I've judged to be doing evil- but as I meditate upon the fact that Jesus came to heal and save me- all of me- in body, mind and spirit- I am able to release some of the rage. Because I don't have to be a hopeless victim against the forces of darkness. If I am a member of Jesus' body, I have victory over the evil that occurs in the natural, as well as supernatural, realm. I can be free, simply because Jesus is my Redeemer, Healer and Savior.

But I must know Him and His mighty power to save, heal and deliver me. And I must know that it is this same power which will enable me to "drink poison and take up serpents" (or survive in a toxic world) and to "lay hands on the sick and watch them recover." (when the health care system fails).

To those who presently can't afford proper medical care; who worry about the toxic environment in which we live, or who are dismayed at the battle for our health care system, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe." (Eph. 1:18-19).

May you, as I, know His healing power, and may the knowledge of that power, and His love for us, overshadow any knowledge or influence of evil upon us. Because it is only by turning on, and remaining in the light, that darkness can be extinguished.

From Hell to the Fulfillment of a High Calling

As I lay upside down on a spinal decompression table, my innards squeezed by the pressure of a machine that was supposed to return my scrunched up vertebrae to normal, I pondered a revelatory concept that I had just read in Bill Johnson's book, Strengthened in the Lord. I cannot recall the passage which describes that concept right now- but the essence of it still remains with me, several days later, like a cheerleader in the background of my consciousness.

I have heard other pastors, such as Leif Hetland of Global Mission Awareness, describe this concept, too. Basically, the idea of it is that our areas of greatest challenge and difficulty in life; where we have suffered the most, and where the devil has attacked us relentlessly- are often the areas where God most wants to use us to help others. For instance, if you've suffered illness and learned compassion through your battles with infirmity, it becomes a gift that you can use to help others who have gone through the same trials.

It sounds obvious, perhaps, and not so grandiose. Especially when you are still enduring the suffering. When I hurt, I know I would sometimes rather tear off a head than lend a helping hand.

Yes, I have managed to squeeze some profitable juice from the lemons that life has handed me, but I wouldn't say I'm one of those "glass half-full" folks who know how to turn pain into gain. Neither do I break out in celebratory dance when people tell me that God will use my suffering for good. I'm no Mother Teresa and neither do I aspire to that level of self-sacrifice in my daily life, (although God isn't finished with me yet!).

Yet I sensed that the implications of Bill Johnson's words meant something greater than suffering for the simple purpose of identifying with another soul, and that the gifts and character that result from difficult trials stir in us a longing to fulfill that which we were created to do, and be- for the good of others as well as our own.

God has given all of us a tremendous assignment to impact the lives of others. Our callings, or destinies, are probably greater and more important than what we can conceive of, even on our happiest and highest of days. What comes to mind here is that verse, "To him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us..." (Eph. 3:20). Thus, it seems no coincidence that the forces of darkness often fight tooth and nail to lead us into a litany of lies about who we are in Jesus Christ, the destiny that God has for us, and what He intends to do with our hardships and deepest sufferings. His goal is to get us to believe that we are the exact opposite of who and what God has created us to be.

So what better way to lie to the future physician or healing evangelist about his calling to heal the sick, than by striking him with an autoimmune disease? What better way to scramble the mind of a future financial consultant by thrusting him into poverty? What better way to discourage the woman destined to be a marriage counselor by creating dissension within her family? How better to confound the man with the gift of wisdom than to convince him that he has nothing to say or teach others?

Why not tell the timid young woman with the gift of leadership that the greatest authority she will ever have is over the six plants in her home? Why not use the father of the child who has ten different talents that he will never amount to anything; that he's just a worthless kid who would be better off cleaning doggie doo off the sidewalk than following his dream to be a writer, airline pilot or pastor? (Not that there is anything wrong with cleaning up a dog's mess, but if it isn't what God has called you to do, then maybe it's best to not pick up the shovel).

The enemy's wiles are crafty, deceptive, subtle and...effective, especially if we don't know what God intends for us, and that His power and ability to equip us to walk out our destinies and what He has created us for, are greater than the sinister lies and difficult circumstances that assault us daily.

When I was attacked earlier this summer with two black lesions on my back; ugly, black sores that for a time, infused fear into my soul, and which have since stolen the vitality from my body, I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. What next? I thought. The circumstances of the last decade of my life might lead any logical soul to believe that infirmity is God's will for my life, because every year since 2002 has presented a series of new challenges to my health. And not just Lyme disease. That has become the least of my worries. So it would seem that God has allowed me to be sick for some good purpose, such as to write books on chronic illness or empathize with others who have endured disease. Well, He might be using my experiences for these purposes, but just because He is the redeemer of bad situations, does not mean that He's their author.

And since when, as Bill Johnson often states in his sermons, did the devil and Jesus trade places? Since when did Jesus ordain sickness to make us into "better Christians" and the devil heal the heathen supernaturally? Jesus' command to those who would follow him has always been to "heal the sick, cleanse lepers, raise the dead, and cast out demons." (Matthew 10:8). Today as yesterday.

The supposed cancers that afflicted me early this summer showed up right after God had gifted me with a more powerful anointing to heal others through prayer. Was this a coincidence, or was somebody pissed? Since that time, I have seen God pour greater healing miracles through my hands whenever I pray for others. And as I ponder the thought that maybe, just maybe, the devil is terrified that God's will for my life will prevail, I am encouraged by the attack. Because it means that the devil is scared, and I'm taking back ground that he has stolen from me- and not just for myself. With every attack that I overcome, something is being gained for God's kingdom, though I don't always recognize it as such.

This bizarre thought offers a strange comfort to me, as the enemy continues to use hopelessness in his campaign to discourage me. But thank God I have someone who intercedes for me and who has promised me the victory- Jesus Christ. I have no power to overcome the evil one, but greater is He who is in me, than He who is in the world. And I know this as long as I incline my ears, heart, and mind towards my Savior and His truths, rather than towards the destructive falsehoods that have been thrust into my mind and body for too many years.

But daily, I must spend time in God's presence and in asking Him to speak Truth to me, so that my mind is continually renewed with thoughts of who I am in Him, who He is for me, and what He intends for my life. Sometimes I fail to seek, believe and obey Him, but I don't give up trying. Because I want vindication for all the years that the devil has stolen from me- I want to be the one that believed the Creator of the universe when He said to me, "I am healing you, and I will then use you to heal multitudes. So that people will see what I have done in you, and know that I am good; that I am the God who heals, saves and redeems all mankind."





















They are greatest calling to ministry.

What's Making People Sick Today...Healing the Underlying Causes of Chronic Illness (in People with Lyme Disease... and Beyond)

In my work as a healing prayer minister, I sometimes witness God supernaturally heal people. I have also witnessed hundreds of healing miracles in the church, and have come to believe that God is willing and able to heal all those who come to Him for healing. Sometimes, He uses medicine to accomplish His purposes, and at other times, He intervenes supernaturally.

I especially love it when God heals people supernaturally, but...

...I am disturbed that the church isn't teaching people about how to prevent disease. Yes, it's wonderful and amazing that God can supernaturally heal diabetes, cancer, Lyme disease and chronic fatigue syndrome- but if the factors that caused those illnesses are not removed from people's lives, the diseases are likely to return.

It seems to me that if we are going to teach people that God heals, then we need to also teach them about how to remain well.

Today, we live in a cesspool of environmental toxicity, which is affecting the health of a high percentage of the population. Even worse, health care options are dictated by pharmaceutical and insurance company interests, which means that drugs are the remedy that most doctors give their patients. And while drugs may manage symptoms, they heal no one, and often exacerbate or create new problems in the body.

In this day and age, it's not enough for the church to ask God for a healing miracle. We need to be taught how to remain healthy, because most conventional medical doctors are not doing it. Mainstream media isn't doing it, and we are living in a time when the once-sufficient advice, "Eat your vegetables, exercise and get enough sleep," will no longer keep most of us healthy.

Throughout my eight-year battle with chronic illness, I have learned a lot about what's making people sick today. Why 1 in 40 children have autism. Why 1 in 10 children are on antidepressants and medication for ADD and ADHD. Why over half the population is overweight. Why the rate of cancer has skyrocketed to one in three people; why Lyme disease is the fastest-growing infectious disease in the country. Why it isn't uncommon nowadays to see children and twenty-something year-old's with chronic illnesses.

Some of us know that something has gone really awry, while the other some of us are being led astray by the drug companies, the government, uneducated doctors and the media, who aren't telling us the truth about where all this sickness is coming from, and what really needs to be done about it.

I was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2004, but it took me several years to fully grasp the reality that what was making me sick wasn't just a handful of tick-borne infections. Rather, a multiplicity of environmental toxins and other societal factors had caused the demise of my body and mind- and people all around me were also being affected by the garbage.

I just finished writing a book, which is intended principally for people diagnosed with Lyme disease. Yet others may find it useful, because it describes factors that are making a lot of people sick today (not just those with Lyme disease!). Many chronic illnesses have similar roots, and disease labels are sometimes just that; labels.

This book will be published sometime over the next 4-6 weeks and is entitled, Beyond Lyme Disease: Healing the Underlying Causes of Chronic Illness in People with Borreliosis and Co-Infections.

In a few weeks I will be publishing a link to the book's webpage, where you can learn more about it and/or purchase it. My prayer is that if you have been diagnosed with Lyme disease, or know somebody who has a chronic illness of unclear origin, that you would read this book, and share it with others. The church (and society!) needs God's healing power, but it also needs His wisdom about how to be well in this day and age of environmental pollution, rushed schedules, toxic food, and a broken health care system. This book provides that, and much more.

May you be blessed!

The Principle of Gratitude

Prophet Doug Addison (www.dougaddison.com) has mentioned several times over the past couple of months that God's people are in a season of change, and that God is bringing new alignment and new assignments to those who love and follow Him. As this occurs, He is also uprooting and removing the old and unprofitable, to make room for the new and to heal what has been broken or lost in people's lives over the past decade.

The truth of Doug's words has been hitting my life like a hurricane; in the seemingly insignificant, as well as larger, aspects of my life. Over the past six weeks, I have witnessed radical changes in my health- greater energy and stamina, sounder sleep, a stronger, clearer mind, fewer tears, and renewed hope in my spirit. It has been a welcome departure from the crushing insomnia, fatigue, depression and "God-just-let-me-die" hopelessness that has assaulted me since last October. Never mind that the devil has retaliated by incapacitating my right arm with carpal something-or-other and that last weekend I discovered two hollow black circles on my back which sent me into an emotional tailspin. Only after I received some intense prayer was I able to convince myself that even if I did have a skin cancer, it wasn't melanoma, and God would get rid of it because He's been pretty clear with me-through a thousand and one prophecies and in my personal conversations with Him- that He's nowhere near done with me yet.

I know good things are coming. I know it because the devil is nipping at my heels with new problems just as healing and other blessings are being placed in my path. The enemy's tactics have become tiresome, and in my weariness, I can't help but wonder on some days if my writing career will halted by the pain in my arm or if I will really see the fulfillment of all that God intends for me. But then He reminds me to look at what He has done in my life thus far, what He is doing, and what He has promised to do, and as I do, joy touches the edges of my heart, and my spirit is encouraged.

The winds of change have also sent new work opportunities and acquaintances my way; new friends, spiritual mentors and business contacts. As part of the removing of what is unprofitable, God has been pruning-and even uprooting- my relationships. Sadly, as part of this process, I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends- somebody I loved very much- but God's strength and peace accompanied me as I made the decision, knowing that it was for his best and mine to let the relationship go.

But that's not all. God's hand has been moving me to new places in my healing ministry, and I have witnessed more of His love, presence and power whenever I pray for others.

God has been changing the little things in my life, too. For example, He's encouraged me to start buying my groceries directly from an organic farm. To join Pilates again. To set up a new work station at home. Things that don't seem like much, but which are a larger reflection of the work that He's doing in me, and part of the season of change that I, and so many others, are in.

I still don't sleep great some nights and I can't get up before 9 AM most days. I can barely work at the computer because my arm is on fire (and this may be, in fact, the last post I do until I am healed of the problem). I wish I could climb mountains and roller blade like most people my age. And as my 38th birthday approaches, regret over the years that I have lost to trauma and disease yet nags at my soul.

But the tide is turning, and God keeps sending me a singular, powerful message; See what I have done, and am doing in your life, and be thankful for these things! Praise Me for my goodness. Keep your eyes on My promises- those which are being fulfilled, and those which have yet to be fulfilled. Don't look down at your feet, where the enemy is nipping at your heels. Look up at Me; focus your gaze Heavenward, and thank Me that my will is being accomplished in your life.

His admonishment is that my gaze would not be on the black spot on my back; that I would not catastrophize my inability to write; that I would not tell myself that my newfound feelings of wellness are part of some temporary high. That I would realize that the new opportunities that He's given me aren't just another means for my survival; but rather, seeds for the ultimate fulfillment of His plan for my life.

I don't believe God wants to make our lives perfect. The prosperity gospel is a farce. It wouldn't fly, anyway, in parts of the world where hardship is a daily reality. But God does make certain promises to those of us who would believe in Him and His love for us. He promises to heal us; in body, mind and Spirit. He promises to make us co-laborers in His kingdom, which means giving us the mind of Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit, to set people free, from the bondage of sickness, soul wounds and sin. And He promises to provide for us, if we trust Him and follow His lead.

I don't understand His ways, and why the fulfillment of His promises isn't always immediate. But if there is one thing I'm learning- it's that when I thank Him for what He has done for me, it opens the door for me to receive more from Him. Whenever my gaze shifts to His work and His hand upon my life, rather than upon the enemy's meager attempts to destroy me, my faith grows, and more of His blessings are released into my life. It's not a performance thing; it's a spiritual law, and a principle of the Kingdom of Heaven.

So I praise Him for today; for Jesus, for life eternal, for healing, and, for the winds of change, which are sweeping away the debris and what is unprofitable in my life, to make room for the new.

May you be blessed in this season of change, too.

From Performance to Papa's Lap

You don't need answers to all of your problems as much as you need to know who I Am for you. You don't need solutions as much as you need to see My face.

God gave me these words several months ago, during one of my encounters with Him, when I came pleading for the right path to take in a certain area of my life. When most of us go to God, we want solutions for our life's problems. We want Him to tell us what to do, where to go, with whom we should spend our hours, and how to pray.

My desire for solutions is sometimes birthed out of a fear that I won't be taken care of by God; that I'll make a terrible mistake if I don't hear Him right. The quest for answers comes cloaked in humility as I tell myself that I'm just trying to be obedient to God. But in reality, what I want is control over my life.

But sometimes His solution is simply for me to sit with Him. To find safety in His lap. To be with Him, knowing that He will never leave nor forsake me- because in knowing Him I find the way.

Increasingly, I'm realizing that I don't need solutions for all of my problems as much as I need His presence. Today, as I received prayer in the healing rooms at one of the most powerful and Spirit-filled churches in the nation, I told my two compassionate prayer ministers that I would rather continue to suffer with health problems my entire life than miss out on knowing how much God loves me.

I'm that convicted about it now, but I also know that the more of His love that I receive, the more I will be healed, and the more that life will go well for me- at least, inwardly.

When I traveled to Bethel this week to receive prayer for physical healing, I was aware that God would probably be working more on my spirit than on my body. Bethel is known worldwide for its healing miracles, and while my limbs ache to be fully healed, my soul longs for an even deeper healing.

And so it has been this week, that God has been cementing into my soul the reality that freedom lies in intimacy with Him; in knowing the Who of life so I can navigate the What and How of life.

I've fervently pursued a relationship with God for over a decade now, but much of this relationship has been based upon my suffering, and a sorry-please-thank you list, designed to get Him to move on my behalf, that I might be freed from a lifetime of bondage to soul sickness and physical infirmity.

Unfortunately, the influence of unhealthy relationships in my life has created within me a tendency to pursue the bondage of a performance-based relationship with God, which is based upon a list of "To do's" and pleas to rescue me (as if He were reticent to do so).

As I received prayer today from the healing ministers, I realized that my moments of climbing into God's lap have been too few; that dancing and laughing with Him and sensing His delight over me as I do what He's created me to do, have been the exception rather than the rule. That while I share everything with Him, I struggle to see Him at times as my best friend and my beloved Papa- as the One who desires to dote upon me, play with me, and hold me in His arms.

And yet, these are the kinds of things that He longs to do with His children. But suffering has blinded me, and at times, I have viewed the trials that I have gone through as confirmation of His disapproval of me (never mind that the Bible teaches that all those who are obedient to God will endure trials!).

It's hard to sit in Papa's lap when an undercurrent of His (apparent) disapproval colors your conscience red with shame.

Fortunately, the longer I walk with the Lord, the more He sets me free from shame and performance-based relationship. And this week at Bethel, He invited me again to lay aside my grief, and relate to Him in new ways that transcend my suffering and need to "do it all right."

Just be , He kept saying to me. Just be.

I want to know what it looks like to be daily embraced by my Daddy. To sense His pleasure over me. To walk with Him in the cool of the evening, without an agenda. To talk to Him about life, without a laundry list of requests filling up the minutes.

Don't get me wrong. God delights in requests, and that we would come to Him for solutions to all of life's issues, but a relationship with Him isn't meant to be task-oriented.

Today, God also revealed to one of my ministers that I used to draw and paint as a child. I was a gifted artist in my youth (so much so that my kindergarten art teacher contacted my parents after I had reached adulthood, just to find out whether I had become an artist!). My parents told him no, but that my sister had become a professional painter. Still, I loved creating art, and through the prayer minister, God said to me, I loved to watch you paint. I delighted in the works you created.

And as I received those prophetic words, and many others, I felt another layer of my performance onion getting peeled, and I got another glimpse of what it means to walk in intimate relationship with God.

God doesn't ask us to know how to do relationship with Him. He doesn't demand that we be saints. He doesn't expect us to know how to love others, and to walk in obedience. We can only give Him who we are- and that includes all of our garbage, pain and emotional baggage, and expect Him to cleanse and heal us. The wounded soul cannot heal itself, and I'm learning that God doesn't need my efforts to receive His love, because striving to give and receive love is a hallmark sign of performance-based relationship.

He must pour it into me, and break down the walls that I, by my efforts, cannot tear down. My job is only to come to Him, trusting that He will do as He has promised. To set this captive free. For He has said, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7, NIV).

Sometimes, receiving is a process, and the door seems to linger ajar, but He who is faithful has promised to redeem His saints.
May He show us all how to relate to Him as a loving Father, friend and lover, and may He help us to cast works-based relationship by the wayside.

Lost In Translation

The Bible tells us to renew our minds daily. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (NIV). A renewed mind enables us to live according to God's truths, rather than in the warped and twisted unreality of our unregenerate minds. His truth literally transforms how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world.

If I don't spend time with God daily and allow Him to fill my head with His thoughts, then what I believe and think becomes subject to the whims of my biochemistry, the other aspects of my flesh, and the devil. What's more, my unresolved wounds become a filter through which I translate (and misinterpret) the words and actions of others.

Case in point- about six weeks ago, while at some hot springs in Costa Rica with friends, I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in my bathing suit, while walking past a mirror.

Whoa! Dismay filled me at the realization that the slender supermodel figure that Lyme disease had blessed me with (go figure that disease can make you look like a model) was gone.

Although some of the weight gain might have been good for me, it was nonetheless a shock to see myself nearly twenty pounds heavier than what I was less than two years ago. I don't make it a habit to study myself in a bathing suit, so the realization that I was well on my way to becoming a chunky monkey (apparently) threw a wrench in my otherwise happy day.

As I stopped before the mirror again, I wondered, Am I just not used to seeing myself as a normal-sized person?

I felt the voice of Truth nudging my conscience. Come on, Connie, let's be objective about this... It went. But the unregenerate mind would have none of it. Insecurity was the order of the day.

So I approached a male friend who happened to be with me at the hot springs, and asked him the dreaded question that no man hopes a woman will ever ask him.

"Am I fat?"

I picked on him because I knew he would tell me the truth. But as I asked the question, I sensed his discomfort as he shifted in his seat next to me. We were plopped down on a bench beneath a beautiful waterfall.

"No, but...you've put on some weight." Was the candid reply.

Alarm bells went off in my mind as my heart picked up speed. "Well, am I pudgy?"

My poor friend. He didn't stand a chance at winning this game. As he squirmed in his seat, silent, I could have imagined what he was thinking- Should he gamble his friendship with his silly, vain friend, in the interest of telling her the truth?

No woman should ever ask a man the fat question. Ever.

But I did. Again. "Well, am I pudgy?"

He looked down. "Um, well, sure, a little."

We all know what the translation is for this, right?

I'm a cow!

Thus ensued a tirade in which I began to bemoan my clumps of cellulite and emerging Buddha belly. How unfair it was that I had put on so much weight, because I subsisted on salads and salmon and exercised- so how dare God allow this to happen to me? And what if my rolls were just getting on a roll? What if this was just the beginning?

Somewhere in the middle of my pity party, my friend looked at me quizzically and said, "What's pudgy mean?"

I stopped the tirade in its tracks. "WHAT?" I said to him, miffed. "You just told me I'm pudgy and you don't even know what it means?"

As I continued to flip out next to my friend beneath the waterfall, he muttered something about needing a drink.

Poor thing. I should have shown him to the nearest bar. Or at least taken my insecurities elsewhere.

"Look, you're not fat, OK? You've put on some weight, but you look good." He finally said.

But my unregenerate mind refused to swallow the truth. Not after he had told me that I was pudgy! (Never mind that he didn't really know what it meant). In that moment, all I could focus on was the fact that I had gained twenty pounds.

Never mind that by most people's standards, I am now an average weight. Never mind that my value and worth shouldn't be in my physical beauty, anyway. I had grown accustomed to the admiration of others. I was used to turning heads and seeing myself skinny as a rail. I didn't like having a real woman's body. Never mind that people still tell me that I am beautiful.

I might have received my friend's words through the lens of truth had I asked God to tell me His truth after looking in the mirror. Or maybe I wouldn't have even asked my friend the fat question. But because I did, I put us both through unnecessary grief. Besides, even if I had been overweight, what would have been the point of asking my friend the fat question? Why did I want to ruin our trip to the hot springs?

Yes, I would still rather be ten pounds lighter. But I'm not twenty-five years old anymore. Besides, in hindsight, I realized that the real question that I was asking-what most women are asking- when they approach a man (especially a close friend, boyfriend or spouse) with the fat question, is, Am I lovable just as I am?

And if the question were posed to God, the answer would be an emphatic, enthusiastic Yes! - Whether we are 120 or 240 pounds.

Living according to the unregenerate mind causes us to mistranslate others' words and actions- just as I did my friend's when I posed the "fat" question to him- and believe lies about ourselves and how God and others see us. And I have found that the only way to rise above the tactics of the enemy and the flesh is by asking God for His mind when my flesh wants to throw a twisted thoughts party.

All I can say is, thank God for the grace and love of my good friend, who forgave me for the fat question. And for Jesus, who has called me- and all of us- His beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made, sons and daughters. May His opinion be the only one that counts, when we are tempted to lose the truth in the translation of our unregenerate minds.

Knowing The Power of His Death and Resurrection...

It's been a rough week. But I guess this was a rough week for Jesus, too, 2012 years ago. To put it mildly.

Night terrors, sleep apnea, and relentless insomnia are making a soup of my brain and body. My chest aches, and I push myself to prepare another cup of coffee, in the hopes that I might manage three hours of writing today. I'm weeks behind on my work deadlines.

But I guess that's beside the point. On this sacred day, instead of awakening and bowing my head in reverence and gratitude to my Savior, for giving up His life for me on a Cross 2012 years ago, I emerged from bed with curses on my lips, foul language and accusations against my God. The enemy took advantage of my sleep deprivation to cast me into a litany of lies and melodramatic pleas to God to heal me or take me out of this world.

What demon has taken over my mind today, on this Good Friday? What part of me doesn't understand what Jesus purchased for me at Calvary, and the power that He has given me to overcome?

Opposing thoughts rage in my biochemically-imbalanced brain. It seems God has allowed an army of ten thousand demons to come against me, but where is He as their arrows fly fast and furious towards me? In my delusion, I accuse Him of just standing by and watching, as the arrows penetrate my heart. He waits for me to do something that I decide I cannot do, because the battle against my flesh is too strong.

"Take my thoughts captive, God?" I rail at Him. "You try that when you haven't slept for the better part of five months!" In self-righteousness I build a case against my Lord- as if that should convince Him to pull back Satan's army. As if my begging will move Him to shift a little pinky in my favor.

Yet, in exalting the flesh against the power of His Spirit, and by accusing Him of withholding His love and healing from me, I'm like the mockers who spit on Him when He died 2012 years ago on a Cross at Calvary. But instead of clamoring, "Save yourself, if you are the King of the Jews!" my angry words are, "Jesus, heal me, if you love me so much!" Even as, with tears rolling down His face, and his body hanging limply on a Cross, He softly replies, "I am."

And so it is. I turn up my nose at the lashing of His body, and I spit on the nails in His hands. I turn my back on His anguish and the tears that roll down His face. I shrug my shoulders in indifference, as He cries out to the Father, "Why have you forsaken me?" Figuratively, I do all of this when I treat His sacrifice as if it purchased nothing for me but a free ticket into Eternity.

He has all power to heal me now. But He has also given me all power to be healed by the Holy Spirit, who dwells within me because of His death and resurrection.

He who lives within me was not free. The gift of the Spirit came at the expense of a body and soul that were torn asunder by the world's sin. He came to live in me, and in all who would believe in Jesus' sacrifice. Without His death on the Cross, I-we, would have no power to overcome the devil and the flesh.

It cost me nothing to receive the power of Immanuel- or, "God within me(us)," but it cost God everything. It cost Jesus His life. And yet I exalt the devil and His work above that of my Savior when I curse and accuse.

I mock His sacrifice when I accuse Him of not helping me. He helped me 2012 years ago when He died and was resurrected on the third day. I mock Him when I beg Him to heal me, because that healing was already given, way back when...

I feel His tears today as I shed my own, as He longs for me to understand, for my sake and others, what it cost Him to give me the power to be set free and to have life Eternal with Him.

But, like so many others, I am deceived into thinking that what is real is what I feel, and experience. I am reticent to believe that He within me can overcome a mind and body that have been sickened by a thousand and one sleepless nights; that He whom I cannot see isn't greater than the effects of this world upon my body; that though I am outnumbered in my battle against the flesh, I only need One of Him to overcome the multitudes that rage against me.

The depression remains. But He who remains in me admonishes me to overcome. Because one day I will truly get it- and when I do, no shadow of disease or insomnia will be able to stand within six million miles of me.

Forgive me, Jesus, for what I don't understand. Forgive me for standing among the crowds that forsook you, spit on you, and mocked you. Forgive me for my irreverence and lack of gratitude. I will never know how much it cost You, to take my sins upon You, on that Cross. I will never know, this side of Heaven, the immense and amazing price you paid for me, so that I might have life, here and in the Hereafter. But yes, I know...you don't condemn me for my cursing and accusations. If you did, then Your work would have been for naught.

Thank You, Jesus, for your great mercy and love towards me. Thank You, for dying for all of humanity, 2012 years ago, that we might be freed from all manner of sickness, soul wounds and the power of sin. Teach us that You gave up Your life, not only so that we might live with you in Eternity, but so that we might bring Heaven to Earth today, and every day. May we know that Your authority has been given to us because of Your work on the Cross, and that we all have power to destroy the works of the devil, to set captives free, and to open the eyes of the blind...

Open my eyes, Lord, that I may see, and be healed. Open my heart, that I would daily hold sacred your sacrifice, and not take for granted all that was given to me, 2012 years ago...and today. Amen.

The Way It Was Meant To Be

With the exception of two meetings, I spent the entirety of this past week in bed, trying to coax bananas and rice cakes into my stomach. I can't recall the last time I missed an entire week of work due to the flu, but amidst the depression and misery, I also experienced a paradoxical feeling of rest. I knew I could do nothing- because even an hour at the computer left me in a miserable stupor- so I relaxed in the sudden lack of obligations, happy to ignore the ever-present checklist of life's "to-do's."

I rarely give myself permission to ignore the checklist, because as long as I can sit upright, I assume there's work to be done, and if I don't do it, then my budget for even bananas and rice crackers will be gone. I don't care if I'm tired or my back hurts or my body decides to undergo a detoxification reaction; every day, I must work. And like every other single person in America who must not only bring home their bacon, but also cook it, too, I have a home to clean and groceries to buy, along with other obligations that leave me wondering when friends and fun will also get to be part of my existence.

Furhter complicating matters are my health challenges, which force me to ration my energy and life's activities, so managing all of the above sometimes thrusts me into survival mode, as I daily strategize how to do all of the "to do's" without massively stressing my body.

The strategizing has been a way of life for me. It's a product of reason and the system under which our society has been taught to operate. But it's also a product of the hardships I have faced growing up, and has been exacerbated by the financial difficulties that have resulted from not being able to work a full-time job for seven years. While the challenges have also caused me to depend more deeply upon God, knowing that He is providing for me is a battle whenever I stray from His presence. So at times, I push myself- to do what I'm not sure He expects me to do, but which I do, because common sense tells me people have to work if they want to eat.

God doesn't live within the confines of what we call common sense, but I'm not willing to bet I can rest on my laurels until my body feels like working, and still live in the beautiful condominium that God has provided for me.

But I'm digressing here. This past week, I gave myself permission to rest fully, when a thousand new work projects clamored for my attention. But I did so only because I had no other choice. And then I asked myself why I allowed myself to clear the "to do" list only because I was too sick to stomach anything but bananas and rice?

That ain't right.

Strategizing instead of surrendering in the Lord is one problem, but the other is that I sometimes don't have a healthy concept of what God expects of me. My workaholic tendencies leave me not knowing when I'm engaging in the addiction, and when I just need to push myself a little to put some bread on the table.

I don't work ten, or twelve, hours per day. I can't. My body decided a long time ago it wouldn't put up with that garbage anymore. When I worked for United Airlines, I sometimes put in 14-hour duty days, but when the marathon days started to become a regular occurrence, my body protested with symptoms, as if to say, "I'm not doing this anymore."

So now, I might write (my principal job) for only four to six hours a day, but those hours stretch across an entire day when I combine them with the other stuff on my "to do" list. And before I know it, the day is filled with obligations and there's little leftover for recreation or relationships- the stuff of which life is meant to be about, just as much as work.

Yet I am thankful. God has miraculously provided for all of my needs, and continues to provide. Writing is difficult, draining work, but at least I don't have to get up at 6 AM, fight traffic and put on make-up and a suit in the morning. I couldn't do it, anyway.

Fortunately, whenever I spend time in God's presence, He enables me to move out of survival mode and shun the false expectations- both of which beset me whenever I buy into the lie that I don't have time for Him or for other people, because there's just too much on the "to-do" list.

But I usually need an hour or two alone with my Lord and Savior- every day- in order to know who He is for me and that I will be provided for, broken body or not. And whenever I lie down, and ask Him for truth and peace- or for whatever it is that He knows I need- I find my strategies disintegrating and my striving abating. The answers to the "to do" list simply come, or the means to do becomes more evident, or I receive His peace about the problems for which I don't yet have solutions.

And during my time with Him, He often encourages me to do one more thing- to have a social life; something that has been denied me to some extent because I haven't felt well for so long, and am accustomed to making survival activities my priority. But surviving isn't living, and I'm slowly learning to believe that God will provide- even if I don't get enough work done because I decided to watch a movie or have dinner with a friend, instead.

Because it was for relationships that we were made, and the body doesn't heal well if the soul is lonely, sad or isolated. As others who read this blog will attest, suffering from symptoms of chronic illness can present a formidable challenge to being in relationships and being able to participate in social events with others. Yet real love transcends recreational companionship and needing friends who are always witty, happy and "with it," and survival and meaning in life come not only through our work, but through the relationships that we have with others.

When I reflect upon my "to do" list- not just my paid work, but my laundry, the dishes and the thousand and one errands that I have to do, I realize that it isn't just me or others with health problems who have too much to do. We live in a society where distractions and obligations abound and technology seems to increase the demands that are inadvertently thrust upon us. Everyone has fifteen email accounts, five thousand friends on Facebook and a million things to do besides.

Half of us live alone or are single parents, divorced or sick; - all of which increase the burden of life's responsibilities upon us, because, instead of sharing in life's duties by living in community with one another, we live alone and manage it all ourselves. Whether it's because we're single or simply like our personal space, the end result of being in such situations is often isolation, loneliness, shallow Internet relationships, and fatigue- the latter resulting from a larger "to do" list than we need to have.

I don't blame anyone for seeking companionship on the Internet. I do it at times, because I live and work alone, and on days when I'm not well enough to step outside my front door, Internet friendships help me to keep my sanity. And I love the people I have met on Facebook and in Lyme disease support groups- as far as I know them, of course. That said, a "friend" on Facebook once said to me, "You know, a lot of people really love you." (Meaning, those who read my books and blogs). I politely responded, "They don't know me. They admire me for my work and my insights, which is different."

While Internet friendships can provide a valuable source of companionship to those who are truly too sick to get out of the house, we all need face-to-face relationships with people, too. People who can hug us, squeeze our hands and smile; share meals with us, laugh with us over a comedy and share in life's responsibilities, and whose communication with us goes beyond the written word. But the Internet is replacing these types of face-to-face relationships with others. This, along with a mentality of independence- with which most of us have been raised-and the circumstances under which we live, foster a life of isolation, which I believe God never intended for His people.

I have traveled to over fifty nations in Africa, Asia, Europe and Latin America, and I have observed that the happiest societies seem to be those where interdependence is not only encouraged, but is also a necessity, and daily social time with family and friends is a priority, not an option. Many of us in the United States are lucky if we share a meal with another human being on a weekly, or even monthly, basis.

There are no easy solutions for the soul accustomed to a life of relative isolation. I'm still trying to find a way out of the quandary myself. But I want to experience the fullness of life that God has for me in relationship with other people, and that means taking and making social time as much of a priority as my so-called "survival activities." And only by spending time with God am I continually reminded, that it is for relationships that we were made. Because only by being with others do we truly survive- and live life to the fullest.